Letters to Jo (while she was overseas in 1992)

Dear Jo

Its Xmas day and I’m missing you like crazy. It was absolutely wonderful hearing your voice on the telephone this morning; you certainly couldn’t have chosen a better time to phone as we were all about to open our presents and saying that it wasn’t the same without you! Then after opening pressies, I went home to Willow Road where I listened to my new CDs I’d got and also read your letter from San Francisco again (for about the 5th time). And as I finished it, I burst into tears which lasted for about 15 minutes!! (I’ve never cried so long ever before).

It’s weird because your letter was cheerful and awe-inspiring – but I think it’s because I’ve bottled up feelings for too long and the combination of your telephone call, the letter and it being Xmas set it all off like a Xmas cracker. Anyway, I’m feeling great now that I’ve had my big emotional release and I’m looking forward to Xmas dinner tonight with Mum, Dad, Granny and Grandpa and the Rusconis.

By the way, I must tell that your letter from San Francisco was without doubt one of the most incredible things I’ve ever read (and that includes Wilbur Smith!) It created a huge mega-stir in the family and it has been by far the biggest topic of conversation amongst everybody for days now. It’s absolutely awe-inspiring all the things you’ve been doing; the places you’ve seen, the people you’ve met and talked to; the experiences you’ve had; the accommodation you’ve stayed in – but what’s most mind-boggling of all is that you organised and pulled it off totally on your own, through your own steam. I think Dad was the most flabbergasted of us all. As he read your letter, he kept exclaiming things like “My God, she knows no fear!” and “Goodness when I was her age, I’d never had the courage to do that!” Needless to say, you have many blatant admirers out here in SA and I have a feeling you’re going to be considered a bit of a hero when you return, whether you like it or not!! I also realise I’ll never be able to think of you as my “little innocent sister” ever again. You certainly know a lot more about life at the moment than I do -and I hope you’ll tell me all about it when you get back, including lots of tips on how to travel and best see the world!!

By the way, I’m very sorry I’ve taken so long to write. First of all, I had exams and then, when they were over none of us knew your address so couldn’t write, and then when I found out your address, life kind of just took me by storm so I hardly had time to even eat or sleep. And the big problem is that

I’m unaccustomed to sending you long epic letters so I felt that I needed at least a day free to write - which of course never came. Anyway, I’ve realised I was being silly and that you’d much rather get shorter letters than no letter! – So I’ve decided to change tactics and send lots of shorter letters – So I promise you’ll hear from me much more from now on.

Now for a summary of what I’ve been doing:

When my exams ended, I felt I wanted to do something constructive instead of just raving my holiday away. I decided on voluntary work in the field of animals and so phoned all the organisations, big and small, to find out if I could work for them. However, they all said that before one could be employed by them you had to have formal training and experience in handling animals – so I gave up on the whole idea. Then, 3 days later, the head of “Voluntary animal rescue” phoned me back and said shed been thinking about it a lot and because I sounded “responsible and intent” she’d be willing to make a big exception and give me a try. So I met her the next morning at their animal hospital in Athlone. From there, we drove out into the poor Black Township in a van (with steel bars over the windows to keep the rocks out) and went from shack to shack in search of sick animals.

At first I was a little scared to be in the townships, but Bettie told me that they very rarely have any trouble because we’re there to help people and everyone is therefore very friendly to us. However, we still had to be careful and make sure our doors were locked etc.

Since then, I’ve been working for the organisation 3 or 4 times a week. The experiences I’ve had have opened my eyes up like never before. The Township is another world. Dust, dirt, shacks made of rusting iron, no light, heat or running water and yet the people always seen to be cheerful and positive. The adults smile and wave and little children play in the streets and run after the van.

On most days that we go out, we meet up with 3 black guys who live in Langa and then we set up a clinic. Our van is full of medicine and people bring their pets to us for treatment. Needles to say, I’ve seen some terrible things: Puppies and kittens having to be put to sleep because no-one wants them, dogs and cats with awful wounds, skin problems and diseases etc., but I’m now getting used to all this and I am learning to concentrate on the positive – like how well many of the animals get well after we treat them. I must have handled over 1000 fluffy puppies and kittens since I started the work and I’ve learned a lot too – like how to give injections and sew up stitches and even diagnose illnesses. When I begin varsity, I’ll have to give it all up because I won’t have time – but I intend to continue teaching in Black school for Shawco and hope also to start working with young children because I’ve realised through my work in the townships that I’m very good with them. I’m also very serious about learning Xhosa next year, so I’m certainly going to be busy.

Apart from the above, I’ve also been on a number of camps since the holidays began – 6 to be exact.

I’ve been introduced into a wonderful new social group through a girl I met at dancing – and I went to Greyten 3 times with them. One of the girls knows a farmer there and he allows us to sleep in the hayloft in one of the stables on his farm. During the days, we went horse riding, swimming in the river and hiking in the mountains – absolute bliss. The people in the group are tremendous fun. They all love the outdoors and are also “party animals” in every sense of the word – but they also know where to stop. For example they don’t get drunk at every available opportunity like some of my other varsity friends. And they’re tremendous fun. For example, in 3 days times were going to have a party at my house. The theme is “A Roman orgy evening” and were going to do things like watching naughty movies, telling naughty jokes, playing strip poker and “I dare you to….” And eating lots of decadent exotic foods. Should be fun! And the great thing is that we’re all mature enough not to take it too far. (Well I think we are! After all, there’s always hope!!)

4 of the girls have decided to go to the Ciskei for 2 weeks in early February and they asked me to come along as ‘protector” (wouldn’t have that been great!) Unfortunately, I’ve got supplementary exams to write so I had to say no. However, I may drive up and meet them halfway after my exams have finished so that’s something to look forward to.

I also went on the annual youth camp so got a chance to see everyone again and gather some skinner together for you. Everyone was extremely interested in how you are doing and asked when you were getting back – shock and dismay when they heard it may still be ages. Youth is not doing very well at the moment. It just keeps on getting smaller and younger. For example, the Harrison’s younger sister, Melanie has joined; she’s just 13 and another 2 guys who are only 16. On top of this, Helen is leaving to go and study nursing in another city. Robert is also going and so is Janet! Some of us suspect Janet may be leaving because she wants to start a relationship with Warren. They seem to spend all their time together and are always sitting close together in deep conversations. The problem of course is that traditions says that a youth leader may not have any kind of romantic relationship with any other member (stupid isn’t it) so it’s thought that Janet may have left for that reason. However, this is pure guessing and skinners so don’t mention it in your letters to friends.

Oh, by the way, Steve Goble has started going out with a girl from church. It’s his first girl friend in ages and he seems relatively happy tho I don’t think she’s really his type. Her names Fiona, she appears to be older than him, is very plain looking and is totally “happy clappy” She’s completely infatuated with Steve and worships him. But I don’t think Steve is quire as keen as she is. In fact Steve was talking to Janine the other night (what follows now is completely confidential and must not be mentioned to Janine because she insisted that I not tell you reason I still don’t understand :) Steve told her that he had been slow to start a relationship with Fiona because he had a “huge crush” (his words) on 2 other girls….And one of them was you. Apparently he’s had a mega-crush on you for ages but was always too shy to say anything because he was scared people would think you were too young for him. Extraordinary isn’t it and rather ironical too since you really like him too once upon a time. I wonder how may times it happens that two people really like each other and yet stay apart because both are too scared to make the first move.

I saw Niki the other night and shame, she’s not looking well. You see, she met this guy a couple of months ago and they began a really intense, committed relationship. It was the closest thing I’ve seen to complete infatuation in my whole life. She never said anything without mentioning his name at least once in every sentence. “Adam” I met him once and was surprised. He’s an extremely shy guy and finds it very difficult to talk to strangers. He came out with Niki, Janine and I one night and didn’t say a word to anyone for the first hour. He just sat in glum silence. However, when he eventually opened up, he seemed a super guy, the side that Niki obviously sees. Then one night, he asked Niki to lend him money and when Niki refused (you see it was over R500 that he wanted) he became all iron and withdrawn. He refused to talk to her and she got really cross and told him to apologise or she’d leave him – sand so it was that they broke up despite the fact that they still loved each other. They both spent a week of emotional hell before they realised they couldn’t live without each other – so they got back together again. But Niki soon realised that Adam would never change, he’d always be withdrawn and she’d never be able to marry him – and it would be too painful to stay with him knowing that, because she loved him too much (sounds complex doesn’t it) So they broke up again which was even more heartrending for them both the second time. She still can’t get him out of her mind or let him go. She still talks about him all the time and carries his photo in her purse. And she can’t listen to Phil Collins or Brian Adams music because it makes her bust into tears – so she’s really going through hell but hopefully time will start to heal soon.

Anyway, enough skinner for now since it’s time to go off for Xmas dinner! I promise I’ll write again very soon (within a week or two) and tell you all about my New Year festivities. I promise you’re going to hear a lot more from me from now on!!

I love you and miss you lots

Love Graeme


Dear Jo,

5 February, 1992

At last my supplementary exams are over!!  After a month of exhausting, intense study and sweat, I’m free at last to enjoy the rest of my holiday and of course to write to you!

When I say I worked hard, I’m not exaggerating.  I can’t remember ever having worked harder for an exam before because ‘Marketing’ is my main varsity subject and I really wanted to improve my rather poor term mark.  So I’d sit at my desk for 8 or so hours per day studying while every so often I’d look out of the window at the sunshine and think of my friends raving the holiday away.  It was awful because the phone would keep ringing and it would always be someone I knew who’d say “Graeme, it’s a lovely day, lets go up the Mountain.  Or to the beach.  Or the waterfront etc.

So I had to exercise a lot of discipline.  And then, of course, I kept on reading your wonderful inspiring letters about all the exciting things you’ve been getting up to and I kept thinking “Gee, what am I wasting my time here for!”  Anyway, it wasn’t too bad because I made sure to leave my evenings free to do nice things with friends (even the night before the exam!)  So that kept me going.  And it was all worth it because the exams themselves, when I eventually got down to writing them went brilliantly.  We only get our marks back in two weeks or so but I’m really sure I did well; so now I don’t have anything to worry about except enjoying the rest of my holiday!

I’ve been wracking my brains to remember exactly when I wrote to you last so that I don’t repeat any news.  I know it was a disgracefully long time ago for which Im feeling very guilty.  However, I won’t be writing any exams for a long, long time now so I’ve got no more excuses for not writing often.  Send me a scathing letter if I break my word; I certainly won’t hold it against you!

Oh yes, now I remember it was sometime before New Year.  Not much has happened since then because of all the studying and all that, but I’ll try to scrape out as much news and skinner as possible.

I had a wonderful, marvellous, incredible RAVE-UP New Years Party this year.  It was held at Shirly Robinson’s house in Milnerton (her parents had been ordered to clear out for the weekend so we had the whole place to ourselves.  I was the DJ for the night so I took my compact disk player along with me and my music collection (which has grown absolutely enormous since I spend all my spare money on CDs now)  We spent the whole night dancing madly, binging food, drinking champagne, swimming in the sea and then dancing some more.

Then at about 5 in the morning, we collapsed into our sleeping bags and slept, only to wake up again at 7 and start partying again.  We then spent all of New Years day swimming and raving it up in the sun and I didn’t get into bed before midnight by which time I was so exhausted I slept solidly for 18 hours.  It certainly was nice change from the usual quiet youth parties I’ve become accustomed to in past years.

As soon as the New Year’s festivities ended, the work began with avengeance but as I said, I left the evenings free for partying.  I held a lot of parties at my house and they all went really well.  One of them was particularly memorable.  The theme was “A Debauched Evening” and the idea was that we all had to be as naughty as possible.  I made sure not to invite too many people; there were only 6 of us in total, to make sure that things didn’t get too out of hand, Anyway, we spent the evening watching naughty movies, like “91/2 weeks” and “Wild Orchid”, playing with blown up condoms, telling sleazy jokes and eating decadent food, (grapes, black cherries, chocolate mousse, creamy custard ad chocolate brownies with plenty of whipped cream.  Yum! Oh wait, I forgot to mention the Pizza!  We phoned up Butlers Pizza and ordered and we then waited for the delivery guy to arrive.  Just before he did so, we all stripped down to our underwear, all 3 girls and 3 guys, and we then wrapped ourselves in scanty towels.  The girls then draped their lacy bra’s and lingerie over the settee and then we all lay on the floor in the lounge, with blown up condoms bouncing around us, and waited for the doorbell to ring!  When it did and one of the gals opened the door, the poor delivery guy nearly did a back flip, thinking that a huge orgy was going on.  I don’t think anyone will ever forget the expression on his face!  As soon as he left, we burst our laughing and couldn’t stop for hours!  I wish you could have been there, it was one of my funniest ever life time experiences and surprise – surprise, and the whole thing was my idea!!

As I’m sure Mum has mentioned, Jane Culley had her 21st birthday party a little while ago and Mum, Dad and I of course were invited.  It was great fun but rather embarrassing at times.  You see Mum and Dad, except for one other couple and Uncle John and Doreen, were the only “oldies” there, along with stacks of young people.  So I had to be on my best behaviour and make sure I didn’t get too drunk!  Then for supper, we were all seated around a big table, me flanked by two gorgeous girls who I very much wanted to chat up, with Mum and Dad sitting less than 2 feet away.  And every so often Dad would give me a sly sidewards glance, as if to say “Come on son, what you waiting for, lets see you in action!”  It was almost as if I was the pet stallion he had raised and now he wanted to watch me perform!  Oh well, I suppose fathers are entitled to their simple pleasures.

Apart form the parties, I’ve also been to lots and lots of films (it’s becoming a hobby!) The cinema industry in SA is really booming and cinemas are being built everywhere, it seems.  At the moment, a big shopping centre is being built at the ‘waterfront’ and that’s going to contain 8 cinemas alone. The “Waterfront” (i.e. Cape Town Harbour) is developing into a really exciting place with bars galore and theatres, shops, restaurants and stalls, so it’s a great place to spend a Friday or Saturday night  In fact, I’ve been spending half my social life there!  So, as you see, Cape Town does have something to offer when you arrive back home, although I won’t be surprised if you find it a little slow after all the big cities you’ve visited on your travels!

Oh, by the way, we have yet another housemate.  Quite a high turnover we’ve been having, heh?  Anyway, what happened is that Eleda decided to move in with Georgie Porgie Pudding and Pie (lucky guy!)  I was secretly rather pleased because her dog had been wreaking havoc with the garden and it was fantastic to get rid of them.  And also Eleda was never much of a house mate, because she spent all her time you know where.  However, despite all that, the farewell did have it sad moments because one can’t live with someone for a whole year and not get attached – and Eleda and I have been good friends, specially when she used to model here suspenders for me!

As soon as I heard that Eleda was going, I went to Varsity and put lots of “Accommodation offered” adverts up and soon we were inundated with phone calls.  We interviewed about 7 girls (which was wonderful!) but none of them really caught our fancy as “good housemates” And then one night I happened to have a party for friends and I invited Shirly Robinson, remember her?  Mike’s friend who went off to America as an exchange student and came back with a lovely American accent.  I mentioned to her that we were looking for someone and she said that she was interested.  And I was delighted because she’s a bubbly, positive, warm, cheerful, chatty, wonderful person.  So now she living with us and fitting in very well indeed.

Well, as far as news is concerned, that’s all I can think of for now.  As you can see, things have been a little slow with the exams being in the way.  However, now that the exams are over, that’s all about to change.  Tomorrow, Julian and I and a girl called Carolin are leaving for Knysna.  We’re planning to spend 8 days camping in Nature Valley, Tsitsikama coastal park and Port Elizabeth ( Julian has a girlfriend in PE who he very much wants to visit.)  So we should have a wonderful time and it will be fantastic getting away form Cape Town for a little while.  Even the long journey there should be fun because today I went off and bought a pesh car radio so we’ll have music to listen to on the way.  The only problem is that I haven’t packed yet for the trip so I’ve got lots of work to do tonight!

Anyway I promise to write to you while were away and tell you how things are going.  You can expect another letter in the next week or so, and you can hold me to that!

By the way, I haven’t thanked you yet for all the letters you’ve been sending.  As always, there all absolutely wonderful!  Mum always makes me a photocopy of all the letters you write and I keep them in a big file and read them over and over.  Whenever I go to a Youth get-together (not often) I take the letters along and everyone becomes engrossed in your stories and exciting tales that no-one dares interrupt them.  Everyone agrees that you have one of the most interesting, entertaining and humorous letter writing styles out of anyone.  Even Warren kept on bursting out laughing at the funny parts and had trouble stopping (which is unlike Warren!)  I can assure you that no-one has forgotten you.  They all continually ask how your doing, where you are and most importantly, when are you getting back because they’re missing you!

Well, I’d better say goodbye now because I’ve got to go off and pack (we’re leaving at 5 o’clock tomorrow morning!)

I’ll write again very soon, I promise!

Lots and lots and lots of love

Graeme


Dear Jo,

15 February, 1992
(Day after Valentines Day)

It’s me again!  Remember, I promised to write to you again very soon and I most certainly wasn’t going to let you down.  Right now I’m sitting outside, at a table in a camp-site in Port Elizabeth.  The table is surrounded by tents and caravans and people moving to and from the ablution blocks.  In fact, that’s all the people seem to do here, sit in their tents all day watching television or staring into space or going off to the loos to freshen up.  What an exciting holiday for them!  One family brought their caravan, a big tent, a TV and video and hi-fi (there’s electricity here), their 2 dogs, their budgie and a pot plant!  Right now they’re sitting outside, braiing boerewors and swigging beers. (And it’s before 11 o’clock in the morning.  Just now I went past their tent to throw something away, their two dogs attacked me, barking furiously.  It wasn’t serious because they’re only little poodles but they really got on my nerves so I turned round and pointed my finger at them and said “Hou op!” To which they yelped in panic and fled under their owner’s chair.  He was really pissed off that I’d dare to ‘talk back’ to his little darlings and he picked both mutts up and put them on his lap and his huge pot belly trembled in indignation.  “Don’t vroetel with my Doggies,” he said in a thick Afrikaans accent, “They’re well behaved, good mannered little doggies. And no sooner had he said it (his eyes glaring and moustache twitching) and a jet stream of warm, smelly orange liquid trickled down his leg with his veldskoen.  It turns out that one of the “good mannered” little doggies on his lap had decided to have a long pee and hadn’t waited to be put down before doing it.  The owner face was an absolute picture.  You could see that everything in him wanted to hurl the dogs off his lap and scream abuse at them but after what he’d said to me, no way could he do that. So he just sat there, staring vacantly, while his shoe filled with dog pee.  I tried not to but I couldn’t help bursting out laughing and then his mouth started lifting and soon he was laughing himself silly too.  So now we’re unlikely friends.

I must say, I probably must look quite “coool” writing this letter.  You see the sun which is shining brightly, was reflecting off the page as I wrote and with the glint it was difficult to see.  So now I'm wearing Julian’s “Ray Bans” (dark glasses) Also, my shirt is unbuttoned to the navel because it’s very hot, so what these ultra-conservative Port Elizabathians must think, I’d hate to contemplate!  I don’t think that the 3 of us (Julian, Carolyn and I) have made much of a favourable impression on the other campers.  You see, we're on the 6th day of our trip and we’ve become progressively more and more laid back and “slap-gut” as time has gone by.  We no longer wash our plates after our meals, we leave them lying around dirty until we have to wash them for our next meal.  Also, all our camping junk is left lying haphazardly on the grass, and our car and tents are filthy with mud because it poured with rain at our previous, camp site.

So, in comparison to all the other spotlessly, meticulously tidy campers, we must look like a real mess!  Not giving Cape Town a good name, that’s for sure.  You’re probably wandering why we came to Port Elizabeth in the 1st place, because; believe me it doesn’t have much to offer certainly nothing that Cape Town doesn’t already have.  Well, the answer is that Julian desperately wanted to come here to see a girl.  He met her at a Maths seminar he went to in Grahamstown, 1 ½ years ago and hadn’t seen her since buy they wrote letters to each other.  So he was desperate to see her.  Like a good friend, I told him I’d be willing to spend the last two days of our trip in PE.

We got here late yesterday afternoon, yesterday being a Friday.  Julian was extremely nervous about the prospect of seeing the girl of his dreams again.  “What am I going to say to her?” he kept stuttering.  We went to the campsite first, disembowelled the car of all its camping junk and then Julian left Carolyn and me to pitch tents and get organised while he went racing off in the car to try to find “Natallys” house.  The idea was that he was going to meet her parents, let them see what a respectable, mature young man he was and then ask Natallie if she wanted to come out with us that night and paint the town red.

Meanwhile, Carolyn and I were pitching the tents and getting our campsite sorted out, but then we got engrossed in a juicy conversation (I can’t remember exactly about what) and before we knew it, we were just sitting on the grass doing nothing but talking.  So, when Julian arrived back at the camp site with Natallie in tow, we still hadn’t finished the tent or showered or changed or anything for the night ahead.

And the awful thing was that Julian and Natallie had kind of run out of conversation during the drive to the camp site so now they stood around like lost vaarts in a perfume factory, saying nothing to each other, while Carolyn and I frantically got ready for going out.  Neither of us had time to shower so we had to make generous use of our deodorant cans.

And then we were all off on our exciting night on the town!!

First we decided to try the Port Elizabeth Spur.  So we go all the way there suddenly to be reminded its Valentine day because there’s a que of over fifty people waiting to get in.  The we searched frantically around the shopping centres for another restaurant, that wasn’t fully booked only to find that the only place not choccer block, was a small, sleazy, dingy, cheap pizza joint behind some stairs.

Still, we were desperate and hungry so went in anyway where we were served with pizza dough thicker than a doormat, faintly flavoured by a tiny bit of cheese and tomato topping.  Not only that, it was overcooked to, so much so that I’m surprised none of us broke our teeth. So it wasn’t exactly the romantic dinner that Julian had planned!  In fact, we all looked prisidedly unromantic as we munched and crunched our food with jaws too tired to talk.  Natallie was a bit nervous and ill at ease, understandably since Carolyn, Julian and I all knew each other really well, we’d just spent 5 days camping together with lots of experiences etc – and of course it’s always a bit difficult when you’re the newcomer and you’re quite and shy.  We tried really hard to get her talking and involved and it worked after a while, so soon we were a happy family. Now that the ice was broken, and we were all feeling nauseous from our meal, we thought long and hard about what to do next and finally decided on “ten pin bowling” because we’d never done it before.  So we went all the way there to find it fully booked as well, absolutely crammed packed with young valentines lovers.  Imagine taking your sweetheart to the bowling halls as a romantic date!  But then that’s Port Elizabethians for you, they seen to be a really uncultured bunch.  Anyway, instead of hurling balls at skittles, we opted for inside putt putt instead (we didn’t have any other choice) Julian really wanted to play well to impress Natallie.  And of course, the harder your try, the worse you play.  So he ended up playing absolutely terribly and simply couldn’t get the ball in the hole.  What made matters even worse is that I, by total co-incidence, was having the game of my life and getting more ones that ever before, so I was a bit tense because I didn’t know whether perhaps I should start hitting the ball skew and play badly so as not to highlight Julian’s struggle.  In the middle of it all, Julian said he needed to go to the men’s room so I went with him.  While we were both standing side by side doing what boys do, he suddenly collapsed against the wall and moaned “Oh my God, she’s so gorgeous! I’m so much in love it hurts!”  It was the 1st time I’ve seen Julian get so passionate about anything, normally he’s so calm and cool.  So I was quite surprised.  Then he said “I’ve got to make a move! Tonight!! He seemed so determined so I didn’t even try to talk him out of it or remind him that he lived over 700kms from this girl and that on Sunday he was going back home.  So with renewed vigour, Julian left the lavatory, steadfastly set on his aim to “make a move”  It certainly didn’t improve his game, in fact it went totally to pieces after that, but eventually it was over.  Then we drove to Port Elizabeth’s pier. Which is like a long walkway built on stilts that extends out to sea.  This is the highlight of all Port Elizabathians night, they go for a walk along the pier under the stars and I must say it’s very beautiful and very romantic; just what Julian needed to achieve his goal.

Anyway, I quietly pulled Carolyn to one side of the pier and we let Julian and Natallie walk alone and unhindered along the other side.  Julian kept on making secret, sideways glances at Natallie and I could see he was really on edge as he dared himself to do something.   Then his left hand suddenly clenched closed, so tight his knuckles showed white, and glory of glories, his left arm slowly began to rise up behind Natallie’s back.  I could see Julian’s cheeks turn red, and I realised he was holding his breath, as I watched the arm go up, up and eventually close around Natallies waist.  Natallie was taken totally unawares it was the last thing she expected, a cold hand closing round her middle and she gasped so loud, she sounded like a burst air-vent.  And then she got terribly embarrassed and her cheeks also went beetroot red and now neither she nor Julian were breathing.  2 beetroots walking side by side.  And the worst of it was that in her embarrassment she didn’t reciprocate Julian’s gesture and just continued to walk along with her arms rigidly by her side.  Poor Julian, he didn’t know what to do.  He was too sub-conscious to keep his arm wrapped around her, and to sub-conscious to take it away, so he simply went redder (if that’s possible!) and they kept walking, saying absolutely nothing, both wishing the pier would collapse and the sea swamp them up.  It was too embarrassing to watch so Carolyn and I stopped to look at the sea view and let Julian and Natallie continue their stiff, self conscious, agonised walk on ahead, Julian’s arm still clamped around Natallie and Natallie doing nothing. It’s all so stupid isn’t it!  Why don’t we all take like less seriously and just “chill out” and be spontaneous.  Anyway, it came time to take Natallie home.  Everyone was quiet on the journey, listening to Phil Colins on the car radio, singing “Separate Lives” When we dropped Natallie off, Julian asked her if she could come out again on Saturday or Sunday but she was busy for the whole weekend.  So we all said goodbye to her and we were off – And Julian was more depressed and quiet and mopey than I’ve ever seen him before.  He was like a love sick puppy.  He kept mumbling “what if I don’t see her again!”  So the 1st place we went from there was to the nearest bar and Julian hit the beers like I’ve never seen before and soon he was giddy headed and the pain was numbed a bit, enough for him to say “Lets go back to the Pier” Julian walked up and down the pier again, reliving his evening and thinking deeply and his final, ponderous conclusion was “Life really Sux!”“ Why does it have to be so dam painful?”  Then we went back to the campsite where I helped him to bed.

This morning we went for a ride through town and by coincidence, we went past the bookshop where Natallie works on Saturdays.  Julian forced me to stop and vowed “Im going to try again, and get this right this time!”  You can’t help but admire his pluck can you?  He ran up to a flower seller and bought two roses (a lot of money to fork out for Julian.)  Then he ran into the shop.

 He knew Natallie worked in the office part of the shop so his idea was to give the flowers to a shop assistant to give to Natallie and tell her who they were from.  He certainly didn’t want to actually face her because that would be to embarrassing.  So he goes up to an assistant in the shop itself and says “Hi, is Natallie in the office today,” expecting her to say yes and then he’d give her the flowers.  Instead she immediately picked up the intercom phone and said “Natalie, there’s a young man to see you.”  Julian was so shocked that all he could do was stand there like a mumbling, jittering wreck with two flowers in his hand – and that’s how Natallie found him when she came through.  He managed to gasp out “Hello, these are for you.  She said “Oh, thank you, that’s sweet.  And then it was all too much for poor Julian and he turned on his heels and fled from the shop as fast as his shaky legs would take him.  So this afternoon, while I write this letter, Julian is more depressed than ever and at this very moment is pondering life under a tree.  Hence the spare time I have to write this letter!  PS – sorry if the story I’ve just told was terribly long winded and drawn out, I apologise but the sun is beating down and I’m feeling very mellow and relaxed, so I’m not thinking at all as I write and certainly not censoring myself in any way.  My hand is just kid of moving in front of my eyes and I’ve got absolutely no control over it – and today it’s in a real waffly mood.  So if the way I’m writing seems strange, you know why; it’s simply that I’m “drunk” from the sun.

By the way, for goodness sake don’t mention anything of what Ive’ just described to Julian – because he’s already said that anything that happened must remain a secret; we were sworn to secrecy!  And he’ll kill me if he knows I’ve told someone about his romantic mishaps.

When I said that the camp-site where were staying is staid and boring where nothing at all happens, that isn’t totally true.  Something quite interesting did happen late last night when we arrived back from our night on the town.  It was about 2 am in the morning and I decided to go off for a quick shower before bed.  I got all the way to the ablution block only to find that the shower was occupied by another guy (there’s only one shower here) so while waiting for him to get out, I brushed my teeth.  It was rather strange however, because the guy in the shower kept chuckling out loud to himself, he was obviously enjoying some kind of private joke.  Then there  were also faint “slapping sounds” it sounded like he was gently slapping himself on his leg, then he began to moan and horror, it dawned on me that perhaps he was playing with himself or something, and then all of a sudden he began to laugh hysterically and the sound of it reverberated from his steamy shower cubicle.  That’s when I began to get a bit alarmed – what if this guy was insane or something and here I was, late at night, all alone with him.

And then, suddenly the shower door opens and out he walks, naked as the day he was born, with long, wet hair.  And here’s the shocking part – there was a woman as naked as he, firmly attached to him with her arms wrapped tightly around his neck and her legs coiled just as tightly around his waist. (Patrick Swayze style like in Roadhouse.)  And she was still heaving herself up and down.  Well, I can tell you I was so startled I nearly swallowed my toothbrush and all the toothpaste went straight down my throat so I nearly gagged!

Anyway, the “copulating couple” didn’t seem the slightest bit perturbed, they simply bid me “Goeie nag” in harmonic unison and then walked after collecting towels, went out to their tent.  So perhaps there’s more to these Port Elizabathians than meet the eye.  They aren’t quite as boring as I thought!!

The only other relatively interesting thing that’s happening here in Port Elizabeth is that the South African life-saving championships are taking place on the beach adjacent to our campsite.  So every so often, we take a walk across there to watch what’s happening, normally at the insistence of Carolyn because she loves watching all the gorgeous, muscle-bound bodies doing their things.  I must say, the physiques of some of the guys is enough to turn even Rambo green with envy, so needless to say, Julian and I kept our shirts very much on.  I think you would have enjoyed it (Carolyn most certainly did) - the life savers wear the briefest, skimpiest G strings I have ever seen and they would hitch them up at any excuse (eg to climb into the boats) so there were no shortage of “cheeks” on the beach.  It was like a scene off one of those “X” rated Californian beach movies.  We left the beach at about 1.30pm (having to drag Carolyn away) and returned to the campsite which is where I am now, wearing ray bans in the hot sun, writing this letter.  So that’s the full details account of our stay in Port Elizabeth!!

Before coming here we spent 5 days at the Tsitsikama Coastal Nature Reserve.  That was absolutely wonderful; in fact I can’t remember having been in such a beautiful place before.  There were mountains to climb andnd forest to explore, long beaches to run along and warm rivers to swim in, big waves to surf on and huge rocks to jump off.  We took our fishing rods along and when we caught nothing, I was secretly pleased, glad not to have disturbed the natural paradise in any way.  We used to lie on the rock for hours, watching the sea smash again them, and the sunsets we saw were more beautiful than any I’ve ever witnessed before.  It was all exactly what I needed after the chore and slog of studying for my supplementary exams.

The only tension we felt was on the 1st day when we arrive at the Tsitsikama camping site to find that we’d all left half our equipment at home.  For example, we didn’t have torches, matches or a tin opener!  That’s what happens when 3 people pack separately for the same camp.  You always think the other person will bring all the essentials.  However we were lucky because there was a shop nearby so we could buy all we needed there.  The shopkeeper was absolutely delighted that we had all been so forgetful.

Anyway, Jo, I must get out of the sun now or I’m sure to get sunstroke.  So I’d better say goodbye because it’s rather difficult to write in the tent!  It’s been wonderful chatting to you: I must say you’ve been an incredible listener!!

I love you lots and I’ll write again when I get back home.

With all my love

Graeme
xx


Heh Jo!

How zit! Hoe gaan dit!  How ye doin? What’s cooking?  What’s goin down?

Gasp, gasp, Wheeze and sneeze!

I’m in one of my funny moods again! You see its six whole weeks since I saw you last (except for that lovely little post-card photo you sent) and I’m missing you so much I’m beginning to “lose it”!

Six whole weeks, can you believe it! That’s 42 days, 2520 hours! 151,200 minutes! 9072000 seconds! Goodness, my poor calculator is beginning to go into overdrive.

Your two letters arrived the other day and what a veritable feast it was!  30 choc-a-block sides of spicy news (not to mention post cards!) Yum! Yum!

Once again, you really excelled yourself. Mum and Dad were on holiday when the letters came, so Granny collected them from Midway and brought them home with her where we all had a Mammoth reading session.

Grandpa would read the 1st page, then hand it to me while he read the 2nd, and then I’d give Granny the 1st when I’d finished – so we had a good chain system going. The problem was that I would hear all the news before I’d even read it because Grandpa kept exclaiming things like
“My word, she ate a garlic snail!”
“43 Australians, oh my god!”
“How dare Andrew do that!” and
“My word, look at these little John Thomas pictures!” (They were very cute, by the way.)

I hear there’s a letter on its way to me specially, so I’m really looking forward to that.

Quite a bit has happened since I saw you last. First of all I’m sure you’re aching to know the juicy story about my lost appendix (ha, ha!) so sit back and I’ll flesh it out for you!

It was a Friday, the day before Mum and Dad were due to leave on their holiday and three days before my big Accounting exam. I woke up feeling just a little icky. However, I felt well enough to gobble a pizza for lunch. But as soon as I’d eaten it, the sickness got a hell-of-a-lot worse. Then my tummy started to feel sore around my belly button.

Dain was really sympathetic and said I should some flat coke (we’ve got litres of the stuff since everything in our fridge is either stale or flat) I drank a glass and immediately felt 100 times grottier than before,

By now, it was evening and realising that I wouldn’t be able to sleep, I crawled up into an agonised bundle on the sofa and watched an old cowboy movie while Dain cooked her supper: Egg and Pumpkin soup. Uuuuugh! The revolting smell permeated the lounge and the pain in my belly button started to gnaw at me like a hamster. And then, the hero in the cowboy film got punched and shot in the stomach all in one fight scene, so I had to switch the TV off really quickly.

Dain had now gone to bed and it was 11.30 at night. I was feeling worse that I’d ever felt before and I realised that this was no simple tummy cramp. But it couldn’t possible be appendix, I thought, because that makes you sore on your right side, not your belly button.

I was really worried. Its funny how, when you move out of home, you feel all independent and grown up. You’re adult now and you don’t need anyone. But now that my tum was so sore, all I could think of was:
‘Where’s my Mummy!”

Should I phone Mum and Dad and wake em up! That was now the question that faced me. Well, I did and Mums voice was all sleepy when she answered but as soon as I told here the problem, it became all wide awake and panicky as she called for Dad. He also didn’t think it could be appendix. “Only on the right side,” he said. “Wait for 1.2 and hour and phone back.”

But all I wanted was to be somewhere safe so I then did something really thick. I stumbled out to my car (it was now midnight) and I drove myself to Midway. It was a nightmarish journey. I drove straight through most of the red robots on the way but when I was forced to stop, I curled up into the foetal position and swore at the robot until it went green. I got some real curious stares from other cars but I simply didn’t care.

On arriving home, the dogs were ecstatic to see me but I didn’t even say “Hi”. When Mum and Dad had overcome their surprise at seeing me, they did some research in a moth-eaten medical book from Varsity days and discovered that appendix pain actually starts around the belly button before going down to the right side.

So dad then phoned the Doctor on Night Duty (some guy I’d never seen before) and he came to examine me at the surgery.

He poked and prodded and it was very tender where my appendix was so he said “We’ll have to get the surgeon out of bed. Who would you like?”

Dad said lets go for Dr Rainum, you know, our good old family surgeon who did such a good job on Grannies bowels” I said “Dad that must have been about 10 years ago. He’s probably 80 by now! And it’s in the middle of the night. Will he be able to see straight?”

Anyway after making up our minds that he was the best, we went to Vincent Pallotti. Steven Dyoble wasn’t on night duty. I was pushed off to a ward where I was shaved by a gorgeous nurse so I had to exercise great control. Of course, the pain helped to keep my thoughts chaste.

The surgeon arrived and he poked some more and I obviously moaned with pain at the right spots, because he said. “We’ll operate right away.”

Normally, one is terrified at going into theatre and the injection and all that, but I was so sore that there was nothing I wanted more than to be anaesthetised and fall into oblivion. Then the nurse came and gave me a pre-med injection in my backside to make me relaxed, which stung like hell and soon I felt sleepy.

And then, to my horror, as I was wheeled to the theatre, the pain completely vanished and I felt absolutely fine. I was terrified that it was all a massive mistake, just a cramp and not appendix at all. But what could I do. It was too late to say to the surgeon “I’ve changed my mind.” Thus, it was with intense second thoughts that I got injected and I was so tense that I could have hyperventilated myself to sleep without any anaesthetic.

I woke up while I was being trolleyed back to my ward, high on drugs, and feeling unexplainably very happy and cheerful and I know I said all kinds of funny things to the nurses, but I can’t remember exactly what, so it was a bit embarrassing when later in the day they looked at me funny and started giggling.

Later on in the morning, the surgeon came in to see me, by which time I had plummeted out of the clouds and was feeling nauseous and extremely sore.

He flashed me a grin and said “My God, but you had the most incredibly large appendix I’ve ever extracted. Not only that, but it was stuck behind your gall bladder so we really had to dig for it before we could slice it out. Wouldn’t like to be in your shoes today! Must be agony.” Very encouraging he was, I can’t say!

Anyway it turns out the appendix was infected after all so it’s a good thing it came out.

Then the nurse came in, only hours after the op and said “Up you get!” So in absolute agony, I clambered out of bed and went for a little walkabout doubled over. I managed to gasp “Why on earth do I have to do this?” and the nurse replied in zestful tones, “Oh it’s to stop your guts from sticking together.” Uuugh! How I managed to get back up on the bed, I’ll never know.

Then another gorgeous nurse came in and held up a large torpedo shaped pill and said “Roll over, I’m going to stick this up your bottom.” After a stunned silence, I said with as much force as I could muster. “No way, Id rather die!”

The nurse was surprised, then amused, and then said “Ok, I’ll get you a pill you can swallow.” Sheough! Talk about a lucky escape from an unspeakable fate.

Mum and Dad came to visit and I insisted that they not cancel their holiday so it was decided I’d go to Granny and Grandpa’s to recuperate when I came out of hospital.

Then later, Granny and Grandpa came to visit. Grandpa was in a hilarious mood and cracked jokes non stop. Of course, laughing was incredibly painful for me, so after his 4th quip, I was an absolute agonised wreck, clutching at my side to stop my stitches from bursting. Granny started getting really cross and told him to “get serious.” But the harder Grandpa tried, the funnier he got, until Gran had to drag him out the ward like a naughty school child.

I shared my ward with a 14year old Afrikaans guy who had a shattered leg. He’d fallen off his bike, you see, and was covered in plaster of paris from toe to hip. His name was Jan and he was really mature for his age, and a great guy so we got on very well.

I brought myself down to his level so it was fantastic to be a juvenile kid again.

We had some very good times. On the night after the operation, we were both supposed to stay in our room but LA Law was on the telly in the TV room on the 4th floor, so we got hold of wheelchairs and smuggled ourselves all the way along the corridor unseen, to the lift. My word, but going up in a lift makes your depths feel funny when you’ve just had an op. So, we saw TV without anyone knowing.

Later, when were both feeling better, we had a wheelchair race down the corridor with all the nuns and patients cheering us on, me with my sore stitches and Jan with his enormous leg cast in front of him like a huge battering ram. So no one would get in his way

Jan’s favourite trick was to roll his wheelchair along at tremendous speed as I walked slowly along the corridor. Then he passé by, he’d slam on his brakes so that the chair made a loud “pthhhh” sound and then he’d shout “sies man, stop vaarting.” Then he’d nearly fall out of his chair laughing. Delightfully immature, heh!

All in all, I stayed at hospital three days. I spent most of the time on the phone (my one phone call was a record 1 ¾ hours to a Varsity friend) so I knocked up quite a phone bill by the end of it.

Of course, it was nice having visitors and being the centre of attention. On one occasion, things got a bit raucous and a nun had to come in and tell us to shush. “Mr Ethylene in Ward three is grumbling again about the noise.” Anyway, at least she turned a blind eye to the open champagne bottle next to the bed!

On the Monday, Granny and Grandpa came to pick me up. Grandpa flirted with the nurse in his habitual style (you know how he is.)

As we left the ward, we could hear one of the nuns whisper to another “What a wonderful Grandfather, he has” and Grandpa preened himself out like a proud turkey.

Grandpa is walking extremely well, by the way. His broken ankle has healed beautifully and he now wears an ankle brace which allows him to walk without a limp. “I’m like a nimble gazelle’” he says and he has even started playing bowls again. Really great heh!

As you can imagine, staying at Granny and Grandpas was a real treat. I was pampered and spoiled not stop for the whole 2 weeks I was there and I really didn’t want to leave at the end of it!

Everything is so secure in the Sorrel household. We did everything to the clock. I’d wake up between 10 and 10.30 and then rush into Grandpa’s room where he was invariably under the cover reading the newspaper and sipping coffee and I’d say “I beat you getting up!” Then I’d have a lovely long shower and go and steal Grandpa’s newspaper which I’d read while munching pronutro and honey, which Granny bought specially.

Then, at 11 we’d all congregate in the warm lounge for “drinkies” and O’Gradies chips and we’d all help to do the newspaper crossword. Then came a delicious lunch snack, followed by Wimbledon tennis on the telly every afternoon at 3 with coffee and biscuits. At 5.30 we’d switch to “The Bold and the Beautiful” and “Loving” to which I became addicted and am now trying to ween myself off. Like “cold turkey” it is! Then, a gorgeous gourmet meal at 7 followed by coffee and chocolate, followed by a feast of films on M Net. If I got to bed by 2am it was a real achievement. And so, the process went on and soon I’d become a relaxed, well fed couch potato without a care in the world!

But, then I remembered that I had an exam to write in 6 days time, so I tried to do some studying but it was really sore sitting hunched over a desk so I let Grandpa persuade me that I should give it a miss and write a supplementary exam. So we went off to get the surgeon to fill in some forms and now I’ll be writing two of my exams only next January (bit of a pain because by then I’ll have to relearn everything from scratch) Anyway, the 2 exams I wrote went very well.

And so, with no more exams to worry about, I resumed my happy lifestyle at the wonderful “Sorrell Rest Centre.” While I was there, I was obsessively careful to be neat. I never left the top of the toothpaste off, I always made my bed, I never left anything lying around and when I got out of the settee, I always smoothed away the creases. And Grandpa was most impressed and wondered how I ever got my reputation of being untidy.

As I got better, I did help with all the chores in the kitchen etc, to be as little trouble as possible, so things went really smoothly and we all got into a really super, comfortable routine and now it felt as if I had lived there for ever. It was really nice and we were all a little sad when it was time for me to go back home.

There is a lovely family living in the flat next to Granny and Grandpa with two adorable little kids, a girl of 6 and her 5 year old brother. On my first day at the flat, I was a little sore and so was lying in my luxury bedroom (with its own TV and warm blanket!) when the doorbell rang and the girl came in and said “Hi, Tony, I hear your grandsons sick! Would he like some jelly and ice cream?) Grandpa, not wanting to hurt her feelings said yes and ½ an hour later both kiddies came back to say they didn’t have any jelly in their house so they’d bought biscuits instead. They were ushered into my room and then the little girl suddenly gave a little shocked scream. It turns out she thought I was like her, 6 years old and tiny, not 20 and 6 foot tall! After everyone had calmed down, we had the most lovely long chat. They really were the most delightful sweet children I have ever met although Jenny (little girl) was unbelievably talkative and didn’t give her poor baby brother much of a chance. You’d ask her a question and her eyes would light up and she’d talk for ages in animated tones while you nodded your head until you could hear your brains rattle. They told me all about the games they play and it brought back lots of memories. Like the “staring game” remember that one? If you laughed or smiled, you lost. And catch, catch too. Anyway, I’ve decided I want children more than ever! Have to get married soon! (Only joking)

Well, I’ve been writing for what seems like hours now and it amazing how relaxing it is. And nice, because as I write, I think of you! But my hands beginning to get a little stiff (in fact, when I straighten it out, my fingers crackle!)  So I think I’ll take a little bit of a break for now. Chow! I’ll be back soon!

Hi! I’m back, refreshed after my break and rearing to go. And with a different pen since I can’t find my other one anywhere! But this pen seems to write smoother so perhaps it’s a blessing.

Anyway, to return to the next episode of my life:

When I had recovered from my operation to a stage where I was fully mobile, Grandpa suggested that we invite Dain and Eleda out for a meal because he’d heard lots about them from me and very much wanted to meet them. So we invited them to Kelvin Chart room. I gave instructions to Eleda not to wear anything too skimpy because it wouldn’t be good for Grandpa’s blood pressure! Big difference that made!! The doorbell rang and there stood Eleda in her short mini (probably covering her lacy black panties – remember those!) Without hesitation, Grandpa shook her hand and said “Hi, you must be Eleda, the NAUGHTY one!”

We had a really super evening, Grandpa, of course was in fine form with two young ladies to impress – although he did embarrass me at times – You know how affectionate he is and how he often touches you as he talks to you (especially if you happen to be a gorgeous brunette!). Well, as he talked to Eleda he kept on (totally innocently of course) stroking her shoulders, sometimes only just avoiding her boobies without even realising it. But Eleda didn’t seem to mind in the slightest, she just lapped up the attention and she said to me later “What absolutely amazing Grandparents you have! Wish they were mine.”

Granny and Grandpa also really like Eleda and Dain so everyone loves everybody.

Heh! I’ve just found my lost blue pen poking from under a piece of paper!! I knew it couldn’t have gone far! Oh dear, now I’ve got a tough decision to make, which pen to use? Hold on a sec while I try the blue pen again!

Testing, testing, one, two three.

No, I think I definitely prefer the black one so I’ll continue writing with it! Hope you agree with my decision! You do! Oh good!

While I was staying at Granny and Grandpas, there was a film called “Hudson Hawk” which I really wanted to see. I persuaded Grandpa to take me to see it so he drove me to the cinema. (He’s started driving again.) However, with his dead feet and sore ankle, he is not the most confident of drivers and never goes over 40km/hr! We were crawling along in the car along Main Road, Claremont on one occasion when he exclaimed “My goodness, where are all the cars! There’s no traffic on the road!” Little did he know that all the cars were stuck behind him, unable to pass!

The film was an absolute embarrassment. It was a farcical slapstick comedy with an unbelievably complex plot about cat burglars who danced and sang as they stole their loot. I felt awful at having dragged Gramps along to see it, but he didn’t seem to mind. And when we got back, we had a fun competition to see who could explain the films plot best to Granny. We both got very tongue tied indeed and Granny looked most confused!

Mum and dad arrived home from their holiday, relaxed and happy after having a great time. Dad particularly enjoyed watching “Naughty movies” at Sun City where they are allowed, but he had to do it alone, because Mum wasn’t “Having any of that!” Anyway, I think it’s great that they got away for a while and I hope they’ll do it often from now on since life must be just a little flat at Midway, without us!

I left Granny and Grandpa’s flat, feeling a little sad. I really enjoyed my stay there and as a result of it I am now addicted to drinking TAB, watching Bold and Beautiful and MNet in general, eating salt with my lettuce, sleeping with an electric blanket, having a TV in my room and doing the newspaper crossword every day. It’s going to take a while before I get used to not having some of those things!

I stayed at Mum and Dads for a night because I’d been invited to Shirly Robinsons 21st birthday party and with it being so close to my operation and all that, I thought I might need a lift. It turned out that I was okay to drive as long as I went slowly and didn’t ramp over any bumps. I drove to Janine’s flat (she’s house-sitting as you know), she then drove me to Nicky’s and then she drove us all to the Milneston Town Hall where the party was being held. 3 different runs just to get to one place!

The theme of the party was:

“It’s in red and white and blue
The colours that are true
That Shirly wants to celebrate
Her twenty first with you
So add a bit of colour
As we party through the night
And wear a little something
In Blue, Red and White.”

Cute heh! So I wore a smart blue jacket, a reddish tie, a white shirt and Grannie’s cherry red track suit pants. Pity about the pants! They really rather spoiled the outfit and if I was to live my life again, I don’t think I’d wear them a second time! But they caused some laughs and they were MEN’S pants and didn’t seem too bright in the dark hall! Who am I trying to kid! I felt like a “sore cherry” but it wasn’t anything that a couple of glasses of wine, drank down fast couldn’t fix. I really had a wonderful time. There was only 6 of us from Youth, Iver, Janine, Nicky, Lara Smith, Steven Croble and me and + 40 from Varsity, of whom I happened to know just about everyone. In fact, apart from Shirly, I think I knew more people than anyone else. I hadn’t intended to do any dancing, because it was only 8 days since hospital, but I met a lovely girl from Ballroom dancing and that was the end of that. We danced the whole evening away and must have looked pretty good because people kept on asking us if we took part in competitions. That felt good!

On one occasion, LAMBADA music came on and Debbie looked at me and said “Lets do it” She knew about my appendix so I said “OK, but be gentle with me!” She thought that was funny. Later, Shirly came up to us and said, “You see that grey haired man over there, that’s the Dean of UCT; he wants to know what that step you did just now is called, and whether you could teach it to him!” We immediately smuggled ourselves to the other side of the room where he couldn’t see us! I hope he didn’t know who I was because I was supposed to have written my exam only 2 days earlier (but hadn’t) and here I was dancing!

Anyway Debbie and I got on really well, we kissed when we said goodbye (and we weren’t even drunk) and she’s asked me to a 21st birthday party during the holidays (At the moments she’s in Plettenberg Bay). Anyway, it may have potential, who knows, I’ll keep you updated!! But don’t get too excited, it wasn’t a particularly huge kiss!

I’m afraid I haven’t had too much contact with Youth people recently so I don’t have that much skinner to tell you. And that which I do have, you’ve probably heard already from the tape that Janine has sent you. Have you got it yet?

Janine is house-sitting for the Stefano’s for a month or two. It’s a really nice flat, and she’s sharing it with Shelley. Janine is extremely tidy and organised, Shelley is more laid back, so there have been a few under the surface tensions but on the whole, they’re getting on fine.

By the way Ivor’s leaving Youth!! He says it’s because “God is calling him elsewhere” but no doubt the real reason is that Youth is too dead for him and he wants to go somewhere happier and jollier. Not that he’ll bring any extra life to any other group, the way he whispers and mumbles when he “shares something!” However, I’d really like to try and stay in contact with him because he’s a really great guy and a good friend, not to mention the fact that he always laughs a lot at my jokes and stories so I need him for my confidence!

Who else? Oh, Steve! Shame, he’s not having much of a life! He works night duty at Vincent Pallotti, as you know which is not much fun. Otherwise, he’s stuck in the house with his dull, prim and proper parents. However, he’s learning to drive at the moment so that spices up his life just a little and he seems to be happy “spiritually! God, I sound like James! Who I haven’t seen for ages, thank goodness.

Jane and Wendy Cully came to visit me the other day. They both seem well and are as gorgeous as ever. Jane is enjoying work but thinking of returning overseas early next year. Wendy is having terrible difficulties with her horrible father. You see he keeps putting undue pressure on her in her Varsity work. He says things like “if you fail anything, I won’t pay your fees next year!” This is terrible because she’s working like a slave as it is, and she’s already nervous and tense about her exams, without “Daddy dearest” putting his foot in it. Also, he only pays her, believe it or not, R50 allowance a month (shocking heh!) out of which she is supposed to buy clothes, entertainment, and Varsity stationary eh. I mean you go to a film and restaurant and it sets you back at leat R30!! So Wendy has to rely on Colin for finances, which makes her embarrassed. She and Colin are closer than ever. He’s got to fetch her and take her too Varsity everyday (true love!) He thinks Uncle John is “not fit for the gutter” (his words) and he’d really rather like Wendy to come and move into a flat with him! What will happen, only time will tell – I’ll keep you in the picture!

Well, that’s enough skinner for now, hope you don’t think I’ve gone on too long but you did say you wanted all the details. Pity they’re not juicy but then our friends don’t lead very debauched lives!! I’ll keep my eyes and ears pricked and if there is anyone in particular you want to hear about, let me know!

MY GOODNESS, JO!!!

Your letter to me just arrived.

What can I say! It’s going to cause a real stir in the Myburgh household! I must say that the way you describe your Amsterdam experiences is magnificent. Your account of the Cigar smoker, Aerobics couple, banana trick (Yuk indeed!) and Boob Basher makes it all sound hilarious! But I’m pretty sure it wasn’t really!! I’m sure it was really sleazy and disgusting. So, I hope you’re ok and didn’t get disturbed too much. It may take a while to get over it.

It’s funny but I’ve actually become rather ANTI Blue movies and sex shows because (and I’m sure you’ll agree) there’s absolutely no love in it. It’s just sleazy and dirty. And that might be sex, but it’s certainly not “love making” which is surely what it’s all about. My word I’m beginning to get a little soppy! Anyway I’m glad you were not chosen to help on stage, that the girls with you were caring and protective and that you had the good sense to cover your eyes when things got too much! And please don’t despair; sex will definitely not be like that when you meet the person you love (because if it is, I’ll become a nun too!)

LUCKY!!

I loved reading about the Aussie Guys. It sounds like they had a marvellous time, outnumbered as they were. I loved it when you said “A romance on a Contiki tour does not just mean holding hands at the back of the bus and I’m not ready for anything else” – good thinking! I’m not the slightest surprised that Rick and Andrew (and no doubt others) were very interested in you! – since although you might not have been the loudest girl on the trip, I’m sure you were one of the prettiest and altogether nicest girls on the tour. If not, I’d truly love to meet your contenders! (I’d marry them right away!) I’m glad you met Lindy and Anna. They both sound like lovely girls. By the way what the hells happened to my pen! Goodness, I don’t seem to be having much luck.

Hold on a second!

COMMERCIAL BREAK!!!!

There, that’s much better!

As for James, well I rather suspected he’d be a little shy. I absolutely adored the way you described your first meeting! Wonderful stuff, like out of a humorous novel! And as for his double date He! He! He!
What on earth did you say when he asked you “How do you feel about Blacks!” Goodness, I’d have been a stuttering wreck! “Gulp! Well James, I really love them. You should have seen this one I saw performing in Amsterdam.”

Leslie, his Mum, sounds really sweet. And wise. I’m sure she loved having you as a surrogate daughter for a while! What’s his Dad like? I hear he’s a real tease? So I hope he didn’t give you too hard a time.

Anyway, I really must close off this letter so I can send it! I really enjoyed writing it and I hope you enjoyed reading it! You’ll be in Canada when you get it so I hope that things are going well there and that everyone is fine. Give my love to Auntie Pat, Uncle Mike, Kura and Kyle.

I’ll write again soon! Please don’t feel that you’ve got to write long letters to me personally! I know you’ve got lots of people to write to and communal letters are the best way to go! After all, you’re on holiday. Thanks a stack for your latest letter. I’ll take it round to Mum and Dad tomorrow. PS: Please write on your letter, if you write to me, whether you want anyone else to read it and who! Don’t worry; your latest letter won’t get into the wrong hands!

I feel a little sad at ending this letter. But that’s silly, because in ending I simply pass it from me to you!

Remember, I love you stacks and I miss you every single day!

Yours forever! (And ever and ever and ever)

Graeme xxxxxxxxxxx


Dear Joey!

Hi there gorgeous! How ye doin?

Right now I’m sitting in a Kentucky Fried Chicken restaurant, munching a Kentucky Rounder and chips! So sorry if this page gets at all creased or smudged. Also excuse my spelling and grammar, because there are hordes of noisy people milling around, ordering their food, so I can hardly hear myself write!

Why am I writing to you from here? Well a short while ago I was driving along in my car when all of a sudden it started to make a terrible rattling sound. I stopped and found that my exhaust had come lose and was now hanging onto the bottom of my car by a single tiny screw. So I drove on very slowly (people must have thought I was drunk!) until I came to a “SPEEDY EXHAUST GARAGE.” They hoisted my poor car 10 feet above the ground with special rods and told me “your silencer is gevrek man; it’s going to cost you R160. Come back in ¾ of an hour. Well have your Karr reddy then, old china!”

Well there was a Kentucky restaurant just round the corner and you know how I adore their “eleven herbs and spices” so I decided to wait there. So here I am. And you’re on my mind as always, so I thought I’d use my time constructively and write to you! Isn’t that a lovely story!!

Oh my goodness, a huge lady has just waddled in this minute, and she has ordered a Kentucky Barrel (10 pieces of chicken!) And a triple portion of chips. And there doesn’t appear to be anyone with her! Hope she doesn’t intend to eat all that herself!!

Well anyway, let me take a sip of my liquifruit…..mmmmmh...and ask “How are you? “ Shame, from your letter to Mum and Dad which arrived yesterday it doesn’t sound like you’re having such a great time, what with being stuck with the children for so much of the time, and having no-one of your own age to talk to. Surely there must be some nice young people in Vernon – it’s just a matter of somehow getting to meet them that’s the hard part! Anyway, I really hope you’re feeling happier – I so much wanted to give you a big comforting hug when I read your letter and you sounded so sad.

It’s hell being thousands of miles away. You begin to wish you could turn into a seagull and fly across the ocean to visit you! And then I’d drop poop bombs at Keira if she got on your nerves!! That would soon make her help you with the washing up!

By the way, I was extremely impressed to hear about your innovative, creative babysitting!! I think it’s absolutely wonderful, you doing constructive, active things with the children and I’m not surprised that the parents are impressed. Did you get to look after the strong willed 9 year old girl? Was it good experience as you hoped it would be? Or was she a pain the butt?

Uuuuuuugh! Yuk! I’ve just started munching on the chips and they’re gross! Oily, squelchy, slimy and cold. Still, I’m hungry so I’ll chew on. My writing hand is getting all slippery from handling the chips so it’s really difficult to write. Excuse handwriting! – And the oil spills!! If they ever have an oil shortage in Canada, donate them my letter!! I wish I knew what the time was so I knew when ¾ of an hour is up. You see my watch is bust and I haven’t bought another one yet. Perhaps I can ask that huge, fat lady, she is sitting at the table next to me. – And she is eating the entire lot, believe it or not!! She keeps on making all kinds of slurping, belching sounds. In fact, I’m about to be sick!! The manager keeps looking across at me as if to say, “Heh man, this isn’t a library where you can do work,” and I suppose ¾ of an hour is nearly up so I’d better leave and go and see if my car is ready!. Chow for now!

Catch ya later!!

Oh shit! Believe it or not, it’s only 5 minutes later. I walked into the garage and the guy told me he’d suddenly discovered he didn’t have any silencers in stock. They’ve got to go and get I from town. It’s all going to take at least another hour. And Mum and Dad are out so I can’t go to Midway, and Willow Road is too far away. So I’m stuck here! Still that’s not so bad, at least I’ve got you to talk to! At the moment I’m sitting on a low brick wall outside the garage in the sun. Cars are whizzing by on the road (Belvedere) and the wind is causing my pages to flap. There’s a terrible clashing, clanging sound coming from inside the garage and I think “Gertrude” (my car) is getting a real hiding. Still she deserves it, she’s been a real pain lately.

But anyway, enough twaddle for now! Let’s get down to some real hardcore news and skinner about my “exciting-hah!” life.

Let’s see, what’s been happening. Um, Er, well – Oh yes, we’ve just got ourselves a new housemate. But finding him wasn’t easy! We interviewed all kinds of weirdos before “Mr. Right” came along. First we met “The Deep Philosopher” who’s at Varsity studying philosophy and astrophysics.”

He seemed okay at first buy then every so often he’d start whispering in a squeaky little voice, he had a deep baritone voice the rest of the time. And he would stare at our coffee table in deep contemplation as if it had magical powers. Strange!! Then we met Gerard who is a very studious, academic type. He wore glasses so thick that it looked as if he’d cut the bottoms of 2 of those thick bottomed beer glasses and used them for lenses. He also seemed like a real “cool doood” especially when we asked him if he cooked well and he replied he was “a gourmet chef” Then as a joke I said “Well, we’ll have to try you out in Dain’s new apron. He said “Yeah, that’ll be great! And if you’d like me try on any of her panties or bras as well, I’d be only too willing! And his voice kind of lit up and he sounded all flustered and excited. I’ve decided to give him a miss, since Dain doesn’t have enough panties for two!

Then we had a visit from Haieng Chi Ki Lee, a tiny-weeny little Chinese chap. When the doorbell rang and I answered it, I thought at first that there was no-one there because I looked straight over his head! Haieng Chi came with his girlfriend, who was even smaller. It turned out she came for a reason, because Haieng Chi didn’t speak any English at all and she acted an interpreter. Haieng would rap off realms and realms of Chinese Gobbledygook while his lady friend listened intently and then she’d turn to me and say something like “My boyfriend want to know how much is rent? When I’d answer, she'd have LLLLLOOOOONNNGGGG conversation with him while I stood on the side like a lost vaart in a bubble bath! But they were really polite and they kept making little bows in my direction to try and make me feel included! Anyway, I liked Haieng but we decided we’d rather a housemate who we could converse with so we gave him a miss too!

But then Steve came along. He’s a plumber and he stands in poooo all day and unblocks stinky drains. "By doing that,"  he says “I can make more money than a doctor and lawyer put together!” Could have fooled me, he looks pretty poor to me! Steve is short and stocky with a jovial face and a wicked grin. He talks a little too much but he is always friendly and cheerful. He’s great! So we accepted him into our little family. Eleda met him a little later and she thinks he’s gay. But then she said the same thing about Ben before he started bringing girls home and kept her awake with his noisy lovemaking! But she remains unconvinced. “Be careful when you have a shower!” she keeps warning me. “Buy some copper underpants and wear them all the time!” How Eleda explains all the girls that now keep phoning Steve I’ll never know.

Anyway, Steve is settling down well (oh dear, I didn’t mean to sound like a Sub A teacher talking to a parent!) He’s weening himself away from his parents slowly like I did, and thus often goes to his Mum and Dads for supper, laden down with dirty washing. Ring any bells? I really think that we’re all going to get on well (but it’s rather hard dot say because Steve has only been at Willow Road for 4 nights now. Let’s hope he doesn’t have any terrible habits which start appearing as he relaxes into things! I remember that Ben kept his room spotlessly neat for 2 weeks before it began to explode into irreversible chaos and decay! Whatever happens though, with Steve living with us we need never have to worry about blocked drains or leaking pipes because that his speciality.

Steve has got some really gross stories to tell about his job! For example, the other day he was called out to a house where a young woman lived alone. When he got there, she explained to him that her loo wouldn’t flush. Must be a blockage, he realised, so he got down into the toilet drain pipe to find it was indeed blocked up – by hundreds of used condoms! The girl went right, bright red and Steve, with his rather wicked sense of humour, no doubt didn’t make things easier for her!

Now for an account of my social and love life! Wait for it!! Um! Well! ZZZZZZ

No, that’s not actually true. I’m not being very fair on myself – My social life is pretty good at the moment. I’ve met quite a few new friends lately and I seem to be just about always going out to something or other, whether it is a Toastmaster do, or teaching for Shawes or a film or a meal with friends or a party etc. The only problem is that my work is suffering terribly- I haven’t put in more than a couple of hours since the Varsity term began and work is beginning to really pile up – tutorials to hand in by a set time (or else!), essays to write, orals to prepare, tests to study for…..Gasp! Help! I’m drowning!! I’ve got to really start knuckling down, actually. Yes! Now that I’ve said it, that’s what I’m going to do! Work really hard for the next couple of days and catch up everything!! And then I’ll feel great, I’ll be able to really PARTY! Heh, I’m feeling motivated already!! Thanks, Jo, you’re a star.

I went to a particularly nice party a couple of weekends ago. It was a 21st birthday party held out at Somerset West and I was invited to it by a ballroom dancing friend called Sally (as her date) The theme of the party was “Dream Time – dress as your favourite dream or your worst nightmare!” – plenty of room for creativity, heh! Dad said I should put on pyjamas and get into a shower and then go as a “wet dream”!! I decided that this would be slightly too chilly on a cold winter night! – So Sally and I went to town to a special fancy dress hire place to look for something warmer.

There we found two amazing Lion masks so we decided we’d go as Mr and Mrs Simba with chip packets attached to our clothes. At the party, everyone said we looked really cute. What did others wear? Well, some wore nighties and pyjamas (dry of course), others went as demons and monsters, a few went as their favourite film stars or personalities, one girl went with her face painted half black, half white….that kind of thing. No-one was really original but we all had tremendous fun – and we danced ourselves into exhausted wrecks. Sally and I have been out a couple of times since then - she’s a really nice girl, studying actuarial science at UCT – but we’re content to be just good friends for now – which is probably good because I’m totally and completely in love with somebody else – Tracy! Do you remember her? I used to do private dancing lessons with her (and I thought she was absolutely wonderful then!) But then we stopped and kind of lost touch. Really sad, because I never stopped loving her (Oh goodness, that sounds terrible, like something out of a Television Soapie – but you know what I mean!)

Then I heard that there was a “UCT Viennese Ball Dance” coming up. This is an ultra special dance, extremely posh. Black-tie no less, and I had to decide on someone really special to take – and as always, my thoughts turned straight to Tracy.

So, after summoning up every ounce of courage I have, I phoned her house and the phone rand and rang. There was no-one there. Every day for a week I phoned, each time with a thudding heart, but still there was no-one there. It dawned on me that the family had gone away on holiday. And then one day, they suddenly arrived home and when I phoned, Tracy’s mother answered. I was nearly struck dead with shock! “Hello” I stuttered, “is that Tracy’s mum?” “Yes, it is,” she replied, “Is that Andrew?” Like a slap through the face with a cold piece of seaweed it was!! I somehow managed to pull myself together but when I asked to speak to Tracy, I was told she was in the bath, could she phone me back. So for the next 5 minutes (300 seconds!) I sat with the phone clutched in my lap and Tracy must have thought I was superman or speedy Gonzales or something because the second the phone rang, I picked it up! Things went fine from then, we had a lovely chat and she said “Yes, Id love to come,” when I asked her to the dance.

Ooooooops, I’ve just remembered my car! Its well over an hour and a half since I came out the garage and it must surely be finished by now. So I’d better go – thanks for keeping me occupied while I waited – you’re wonderful company! – I’ll continue with this letter soon I promise!! And then I’ll tell you all about the “Big Night” More exciting than “Dallas” and “Loving” combined heh! Chow for now! See ya later.

Hi again, it’s the day after, a Tuesday in fact and I’m sitting in the UCT library. I’ve been trying to work ( I have really!) but it’s all so boring. I also can’t concentrate. You see there’s a long line of students waiting to take books out and the librarian keeps shrieking. “Next! Next” as he stamps their cards one by one. It’s driving me nuts!! I’m sitting in a gallery up above her and I keep on having to resist the temptation to drop a heavy book down onto her head. You see, there are hundreds of huge, think encyclopaedias lying around. Still, there a massive fine for damaging library property so I’d better not. And, what’s more, its disrespectful to the Books author! My word I do waffle on, don’t I? You’d think I’d taken a verbal laxative! I seem to be in one of my “funny moods” again. It think it’s all the pressure.

Anyway about the Dance! Tracy and I arranged that she would come to my place at ¼ to 7. We’d then practice some dance steps (she hadn’t danced for 6 months!) and we’d leave for the dance at ¼ to 8.
So. At 6 o’clock on Saturday night I started to get ready – plenty of time to take a brisk shower and pull on my dinner jacket. Dain, at the same time, was getting ready for her party (she also had a sexy date) but she was having terrible trouble with her makeup and I kept on hearing rude words coming from her room. “Isn’t it great that I’m a guy,” I thought “Nothing can go wrong with us!” And just at that moment I cut myself shaving! The diabolical thing is - I didn’t realise - so I put on my spotless special white shirt and got blood all over the collar. Nightmare!! So them I am. Its 20 minutes to 6 I’ve managed to get the stain out but the collar is sopping wet and I’m trying to dry it with Dain’s hairdryer. Also, the cut on my chin won’t stop bleeding. And then the doorbell rings!

EEEEEK! My legs are going numb right now just at the memory! I snatched the damp shirt and pulled it over my head like an unfaithful husband caught in the act. Then, with fumbling hands, I manage to cut a piece of plastic and slap it over my cut. Then like a charging bull, I ran helter skelter down the corridor, stumbling and wumbling all the way to the door. There, I took a deep breath and opened it saying in a relaxed cheerful, confidence voice “Hi Trace!” But it wasn’t Tracy at all it was Dain’s date. I nearly hugged him, I was so glad. “Dain your dates arrived,” I shouted. Oh my God,” she wailed “I’m not ready yet!” Talk about drama at Willow Rd, I don’t think either of us were made for dates!!

Anyway I got my shirt properly dry and I stopped the blood and I got Dain’s date to help me with my bow tie while he waited – so by the time Tracy arrived + 10 minutes late, I was at my “gorgeous best.” And from then on, the night went wonderfully. Tracy looked absolutely breathtakingly, stunningly beautiful – probably the most beautiful at the entire ball. I felt like a prince.

The dance itself was amazing too. There was red carpet leading up Jameson steps to the Jameson Hall where the event was held. A Horse driven carriage took lovers for moonlight rides. There was a proper band – the best ball room dancing band in SA, and the Hall was decorated as an Austrian Palace. The food was fantastic too. It was all just too incredible for words, and we danced all night. Tracy and I got on very well. She is such a wonderful person. She is one of the few people I know who is truly lovely both inside and out. She has this amazing personality and this knack of making you feel like the most important person in her world when you’re with her. What can I say, infatuation, true “besottedness,” pure love – call it what you want! “Tie me down with rope,” as Grandpa loves to say! There’s only one teeny, weeny itsy little problem - I don’t know how she feels towards me. And I’m terrified to ask because the fear of rejection would be too devastating to contemplate! So for the time being, I suppose I’ll just act like a shy, lovesick puppy and keep phoning her to find out “how things are going!” Until I can pluck up enough courage to ask her out again. Actually, there’s another dance coming up so perhaps Ill ask her to that. It’s all so silly isn’t it! Why are we all so terrified to take risks – why don’t we just GO FOR IT! I suppose the answer is simple – lack of confidence and terror of rejection. Sometimes I wish I was like Carl Milton. He was one of my classmates at school and he was short and skinny and scruffy. But he didn’t have too many brain cells and he was too thick to care about anything. Whenever he met a girl, he’d ask her to go out with him. He didn’t have any money so he’d suggest things like “How would you like to meet me in CNA on Saturday. We can read magazines off the shelf!” And of course, none of the girls wanted to know. Rejection came fast and furious but Carl was left totally undaunted. In fact, he seemed to be quite proud of the fact that he’d been said “no” too more than everybody in our clan combined! And then one day an incredibly gorgeous girl said yes, she’d love to got out with him. Why, I’ll never know – perhaps she adored animals and he reminded her of a baby warthog. Or maybe she admired his “pluckiness.” They continued to go out; they fell head over heels in love and as far as I know, there still together. So there you go, take risks and it’s bound to pay off eventually!! Anyway well see how things go. I think the main problem is that Tracy is simply too good looking – ironical isn’t it – it’s difficult not to feel a trifle intimidated. Often I wish she was less attractive. In fact, she’s got such an amazing, personality that I reckon I’d still love her if she weighed 300kg and had a moustache! – Well perhaps that a bit of an exaggeration buy you know what I mean!

But enough about “HER.” Let’s expand our horizons! Let’s escape from this subject and fly away as free as a bird to explore other exciting aspects of my life. Like……Um. Let me see …………..

Oh dear, it looks like I’ve been so “one track minded” lately, there’s nothing else to talk about!

Oh wait, I know what we can do, we can skinner about Youth friends! I haven’t been to youth for ages but I went on a camp + 4 weeks ago to Berries Bay with Janine, Janet, Lara Strong, Helen, Warren, Steven Goble, Steven Peane, James, David, Shelley (Janine’s flatmate) and a guy you don’t know called Rory who’s only in Std7. Believe it or not, I really had a good time! Despite the presence of James and Helen! Actually, Helen has quietened down quite a bit lately. She seems much more mature – probably due to the shock of being thrown out of Nursing College – although she does sometimes revert back to squeeeeky, non stop babbling and hysterical giggling. I mean, she wouldn’t be Helen if she didn’t! James is still as weird and kinky as ever. He’s still obsessed with taps and spends ½ his day washing himself. At night he’d take 3 hour baths and only get into bed at + 3 am. Ivor – Oh, I forgot to include him in my list – got really cross with James the one night when he was trying to sleep and the hot water cylinder kept on rumbling on and off. Ivor just “blew up” he leapt out of his sleeping bag, ran downstairs, grabbled James literally by the ankle and dragged him upstairs where he smothered him with his sleeping bag. – Well perhaps it wasn’t quite as bad as it sounds! – But James kind of got the message and turned the taps on more quietly for the rest of the camp!

We stayed in a holiday house which belongs to one of the people at the church. We were charged really cheap rent (only R5 per person for the entire weekend) It was quite a big place and there was plenty of room for the 12 of us. Steven and I had to prepare lunch for everyone on the one day so I put my newly developed culinary skills to the test! No, that actually not true- we took the easy way out. Thanks to Mums brilliant idea, we took 6 packets of Royces instant pasta and sauce and we cooked it up in a huge bowl with piles of ti=tomatoes, Vienna sausages, mushrooms, ham and whatever other left overs we could get our hands on. The result – about 5 gallons of bubbling “Gemors” which astonishingly enough tasted incredible! In fact it was voted one of the best meals and every scrap was eaten…Steve and I were really relieved because during the cooking process, there were times when our “gourmet meal” looked a little “icky” to say the least and we were worried because we couldn’t find a drain large enough to pour it down. (We didn’t want to block Betties Bays entire underground drain-pipe system)

For some reason,
I left this page blank
Silly me!!
Still, at least it gives you a bit of breather!!
You must be a little tired from trying to understand my handwriting!

So, to rest your eyes, try staring at the blank box for 60 seconds!!!

I must day, I was on really good form while I was away It’s funny but whenever I go away with a group of people and everything is relaxed and informal, I really come out of my shell. And I become really funny too. I mean, there were times when I had everyone rolling on the floor in hysterics – and I remember thinking “Wow, did I really cause that?” People kept on saying I should give up business science and become an actor or comedian, instead. It felt good. And then, for some reason, when I came home I feel far more shy and reserved again. Strange!! And sad. Maybe if I try really hard, I can get the cheerful, confident, funny “me” out all the time. Life would certainly be more fun. Anyway, enough of the psychology! Its funny, how, when I write, my mind wanders all over the place!! And I normally go with the flow- I just write whatever comes in my head – so I apologise if I keep on digressing!!

I got some great practice in the “Art of Loving” while on camp. You see, Steve and I found this old moth-eaten book of love poems in a dark corner of a bookshelf – so we practised saying to each other all the right gestures and facial expressions – but grossly exaggerated of course, much to everyone’s delight. I really wish I could have brought the book home. It would certainly make writing Valentines cards easier. And who knows Tracy might have a real weakness for soppy, romantic love poetry!! I can’t remember anything I read except the stupid phrase “you clutter my mind with thoughts of love” And that’s not going to get me very far is it? I really wish I had one of those photographic memories. Oh dear, I’m beginning to digress again!

Anyway the camp was great fun. And then it came time to leave. There were three cars, including my own. The other 2 cars left, leaving me behind with just Helen and Rory (the little Std 7 guy) to take home because they live close to me. It was a really beautiful day, so we 3 stayed on for quite a while, enjoying the sun and playing ball. Then we left. On the way home, Helen seemed quiet so like a total fool, I asked her “What’s wrong?” She told me she was feeling guilty about something. Then, like the greatest NINCOMPOOOP on earth, I asked her why. “Because I think I’m a nymphomaniac” she said. “I’m always thinking of one thing!” Then, as if felling much better that she’d got that off her chest, she proceeded to tell me about every sexual experience she’d ever had, from the time she had her bottom pinched in kindergarten till present. (And believe me, she’s come quite a long way since kindergarten?) Helen! Can you believe it!! I was so flabbergasted and astonished, I clean forgot about poor, little Rory in the back seat!

But he didn’t seem too nonplussed by it all – in fact I think I was more embarrassed than he! In fact I was rather relieved when we dropped Helen off. When we did, though, we found a strange suitcase and sleeping bag in with our luggage. We decided that one of the others on the camp had put it in there by mistake, No problem. No need to worry.

But then I got home and the phone rang. It w was Mr Scoble on the line. “James had just this moment phoned from Betties Bay” he said to me “He’s in a real state and says you’ve all gone off without him!” Yip! Believe it or not, we’d left James behind!!

It turns out that an hour before we left, James smuggled himself into the bathroom to play with the taps and avoid having to help clean up. There he stayed, the entire time that we cleaned and packed our stuff. So when it was time for Warren to lock the house, he was still there, and got locked in. Out of sigh out of mind so they say.. James was nowhere around when we left, so we totally forgot about him. And he only discovered he’d been locked in much later, but he managed to find a key.

Anyway Mr Scoble had to go all the way out to Betties Bay and back to get his beloved son. He wasn’t charmed at all. Still, it’s not really our fault is it!!

Steven Pearce was delighted when he arrived home from Betties Bay because he found there was a letter from you in his post-box. I honestly think it was the highlight of his year, he seemed so pleased!! I think he’s still got a deep soft spot for you. He brought his letter to one of the “socials” and showed it proudly to me and Janine. He said he felt really bad that he hadn’t written but that he found letter writing difficult to do because he felt he had to plan every word. It sounds like he and I are absolute, extremes, because I just “sommer” write whatever comes into my head. And then when I read it back I think “Oh my goodness, I didn’t write that did I!!

In fact, it’s better than physco-analysis. Your read your own letter and find out all kinds of things about yourself you didn’t know – from things you wrote when you were in a dreamy dwaaal and weren’t concentrating on or censoring what you were saying. Sometimes it’s a little scary! Perhaps I should take a feather from Stevens cap and do a little more planning! Anyway, Steve says he’s got no excuse now and that he’s going to write to you “pronto” Who knows you’ve probably got it already. Did you get Janine’s tape, by the way? What was it like? Did you get lots of news? Was it nice hearing her voice?

By the way, Grandpa phoned the other night. He said “Graeme, I’m about to make your week!” I said “Wow, Gramps, what is it?” He said “Well, it’s your 21st soon and we want to get you something special. So we’ve decided to give your MNET for your birthday!” Isn’t that amazing? Talk about an incredible present!! When I recovered from my excitement, I asked Grandpa why he was telling me now, a month and a half before “The Big Day."

He told me that most of the pleasure in a present is in the anticipating so I now had 48 days to look forward to it!!! So I conditioned myself for the long wait before I’d become an official member of the MNET family. But then I went to lunch with Granny and Grandpa yesterday and Grandpa suddenly brought a large MNET box from out behind the sittee and said “Who cares about anticipation? I’m so excited about giving this present; I want you to have it now!” I can assure you, I didn’t argue. It took it home and Dain and I connected it up (like Mr and Mrs McGyver we were!) so we now have an endless supply of films and TV programs to watch. Help, as if I don’t have enough trouble finding time to work! Still, it’s going to save me a fortune in video bills and I’m disciplined enough to be selective about how much MNET I watch (I think!)

One thing, I know, I’m not going to have any time for TV watching this week! I’ve got an horrendously busy schedule. Tonight I’ve got dancing, followed by a speech competition at SACA. Tomorrow I’ve got an Alexander lesson. Followed by a Shawco election and then a Shawco Party. Thursday is Toastmasters, where I’m running the unprepared speech session so I’ve got to think of 50 different topics. Friday, I’m going to a marketing exhibition at the Good Hope followed by a Varsity party. And while all this is going on I’ve got 2 tutorials and a massive report to hand in by the end of the week and a test on Thursday. But I’m cool, I’m relaxed, who’s worried?

ME! HELP!!!

Anyway, talk about work, perhaps I’d better close my letter to you and do some!! I’m not feeling inspired. I’d far rather continue writing to you, because when I do, I kind of go into a dream world and it’s very peaceful and relaxing. Except for my poor hand who does all the work. Good thing he never goes on strike or I’d really be in the poop.

Write to us soon! We all live for news from you and whenever one of your wonderful letters arrives, there’s always intense excitement in the Myburgh and Sorrel household!!

I’m dying to know how you’re getting on. Like are you still a member of the Badminton club? Are you going to America to see Suzi? Are you still doing babysitting? Have you met anyone nice? What are my cousins like exactly? And Uncle Mike? Would I enjoy staying there? What happened when you took yourself off the pill – did it have the desired effect? All in all, are you happy/ Are you sad? Is the weather still as hot, or is winter approaching? Are you hoping to learn to ski? And more importantly, are you intending to stay that long? Remember, Jo, this is your trip and you must do whatever you want to do!! (Don’t let anyone else influence you) And if that means leaving Canada earlier than planned, because you’re not happy there, then great Go and have a rave somewhere else where you don’t have naughty little cousins to look after, or piles of washing up to do, or no one to have fun with etc. Do whatever makes you smile because you’re special and on this occasion, your happiness is the only thing in the world that counts. You have no obligations.

Well I’m fast running out of space so I’d better close off right away or I’ll find myself in a tiny corner!! Remember I love you lots and lots and I miss you like anything! More than I can ever hope to say! I hate this part of a letter because it’s like saying goodbye all over again!

Yours forever and a day

Lots of hugs and kisses

Love you
Graeme xxxxxx

PS ….Mum just rang to say your 29 page letter has arrived!!
You’re a star!
I can’t wait to read it

Graeme


Dear Jo

10 May, 1992

Sniff, snuffle, aah, Aah, Tishoooo!

At this very minute I’m sitting in my marketing lecture. I’m supposed to be concentrating and taking notes but I can’t because I can’t see the board. You see, I’ve got this streaming cold and my eyes are weeping like the Victoria Falls. My nose is also running, especially because I’m trying so hard not too sneeze too often and so interrupt everyone in the class. I hate being in this state and I really should be in bed but the work comes so fast and furious here at Varsity that I missed a day, I’d spend the entire rest of the year trying to catch up. So here I am, listening to the lecturer’s monotonous drone, feeling very sorry for myself, and unable to take notes! So I decided that I’d write a letter to my lovely sister who I miss very much and who I haven’t written to in absolute ages. When I came into the lecture theatre just now, I was careful to sit as far away from my friends as possible because I really don’t like being seen in this state of course, I didn’t want to give them my germs. So I’m sitting next to a stranger who only realised that I’m horribly infectious after he sat down and by that time it was too late because all other seats had been taken! The poor guy is really not looking very happy. He’s got his head pointed as far away from my snuffle as possible and he’s got his hand placed firmly over his mouth in a concerted attempt to keep any gems from flying in. I’d feel the same way if I were him. One can’t afford to get sick in this place because all the work and stress are hard enough to handle when you’re vibrant and healthy! I’d like nothing more than to quietly get up and creep out and go home to bed but a poor student tried to do just that only a moment ago and our professor caught sight of him. For some reason he takes it personally when someone tries leaving in the middle of a lecture. Thinks he’s god’s gift to the art of teaching and he can’t understand why people don’t sit in rigid interest right till the end. One day I should tape one of his lectures and make him listen to it – I think he’ll be a bit embarrassed to see just how boring he is. Anyway he got really pissed off and screamed “where the hell are you going!” and the student took fright and tried to run the last 5 or 6 steps that he had left (students often do this and the lecturer cant do a thing since there no law against leaving) He got all the way to the swing-hinge door and hit it with his shoulder as he ran, to go through – only to find that the door was jammed.

There was this ear thudding, crunching sound and the entire door was nearly ripped off its hinges. The student turned round: he was in obvious pain and all eyes in the theatre were on him, all 400 of them. I thought he was going to faint and then he mumbled “I was going to the toilet, sir” Never heard a professor being called “sir” before so he was obviously in quite a state. Anyway since that, no one has tried to leave and I most certainly don’t feel like making a dash for it.

By the way Jo, I got your letter last night. It was absolutely wonderful hearing from you again and finding out how you’re doing. I must admit I was just a little horrified to hear about the potential jobs available for you in England. Especially the Cold and Fly testing job. They’d have to pay me an absolute fortune for the honour of injecting me with any kind of germ, Having a cold is absolutely no fun whatsoever. PS: if you want one for free, come home and visit me!

In you letter you say you’re off to New York. Loved the way you said “Id rather be less prepared and follow my impulse. “It shows you’re a seasoned traveller of the world! I can just imagine myself venturing to New York – reading realm after realm of map books, neurotically trying to pinpoint every tiny land mark – I think that you have a hell of a lot to teach me about life when you come home. I can see you sitting me down in a chair and saying consolingly “Now, little brother, you’ve still got a lot to learn about how things work!” I want you to bring me lots of hints on how to travel and sightsee the easy way, with the least hassle, so that when I go over, Ill do everything right first time! Although, of course, mistakes can be fun too, I suppose. After all, if you don’t lose yourself, sometimes, hop on the wrong bus once or twice, or even the wrong plane knowing me! Lose your luggage or even getting arrested for breaking some local law that you don’t know about - You haven’t really experienced all that travelling has to offer or so all my widely travelled Varsity friends keep telling me. Mark, one my marketing friends for example, was arrested for taking a shower under a fountain (Apparently there was this statue of a little boy taking a pee and being a scorching day, he went and lay under the trickle! If I‘d been a policeman I probably also would not have been impressed. He also lost his baggage 12 times and on one occasion hopped onto the wrong plane and ended up in a country he’d never intended to visit. Says he spent the most fun part of his entire holiday there, tho I can’t remember where it was.

You’ve probably noticed that I’m waffling again a bit in this letter. The reason is that I really don’t have that much news – I’m a bit deprived of excitement at moment. Varsity had kind of taken over my life. I’ve always been told to watch out for my third year of Business Science, that it’s an absolute stinker

And only the toughest survive – and they weren’t half right. In fact we’re all living in a bit of a nightmare world as tests and exams and massive projects keep falling from the sky at a faster rate than anyone could ever hope to keep up with. Some of my friends who I always thought were laid back “never worry, be happy” cool doods have become nervous, anxious wrecks. Chain smoking and pep-up-pill-popping is the norm and I wouldn’t be surprised if people start totally losing their heads soon. I must admit I’ve also been stressed out, especially since I’ve failed my last 3 tests and all my others have been below 55%. That’s one of the reasons I’m sick- too much worrying and too many late nights. In fact, a week and a half ago, I was really reaching the end of my tether. I remember sitting down one night, I had a project to finish and 2 tests to learn for before 12 noon the next day – and I knew it was impossible to do. The natural reaction was to have a nervous breakdown and then it dawned on me “Heh man, all this work is just a means to an ends – that is to find a job that I’m happy in. Right now I’m killing myself and hating life-and what’s the use of that. I’ve let my academic work rule me and stress me for too long now – every since I started school. So I made a pledge to relax, to put my work back into perspective, set a reasonable, fixed no of hours per day aside for working and to live by one major goal Relax and enjoy life more. Remember that life is short and your happiness and health are the most no 1 things. Since then I’ve been feeling tons better. I watch all my friends running around like crazed busy ants with only one obsessive thought “Got to work!” and I refuse to ever get like that again. The only problem with all this is that when you're hyper stressed for a long period and then suddenly become relaxed, that’s when you get sick. That’s why so many students get sick after exams and not during. So no I’ve got this horrendous cold for my past sins. Went to Dr McKabe yesterday and he gave me some antibiotics and took my blood pressure – and was extremely impressed at the fact that it wasn’t the slightest bit high despite all my Varsity pressure. So obviously my new attitude to life is taking effect. Now we’ll just have to see how my marks start doing.

Since I wrote last we’ve had 3 more housemates so needless to say, Willow Road has had a really high – turnover. In fact, Dain is the only constant in my life, we’ve been living together now for a year and 5 months and perhaps we’ve to got to know each other now a little to well – little habits are beginning to irk, specially her insistence that the dirty dishes be done right away. I mean what’s wrong with dirty dishes being left for a day or two, if you have to step over a cockroach or two on the way to the kitchen, no sweat! (Only kidding) It’s actually really exciting having lots of housemates coming and going; I’ve got to meet and really get to know some very interesting characters; a highly strung, love forlorn actuary; a fun loving, nymphomaniac lawyer; a philosophical, big, brown eyed, absent minded party animal (Ben); a workaholic, cheerful, cute economics student (Shirly), a raucous, alcohol loving, hyperactive plumber (Steve), a zany, strange but delightfully funny optometrist (Steve) and a huge massively built, enormously tall, womanising ex restaurant owner (Andre) Quite a variety of people, isn’t it?

Steve left about a month and a half ago because he decided to move to Australia. I wasn’t that sorry because, although he’s a nice person, he likes booze a bit too much and would often arrive home late at night as drunk as a skunk and I’d have to help him in through the door. Once he threw up all over the toilet seat (the one that he and Dain share) and Dain was not the slightest impressed. Shirly also lived with us for two months; you may remember her from Youth days. She lived outside where Eleda used to stay before she left to move in with her beloved George (complicated isn’t it!) Shirly didn’t stay long because she missed her mum and found her finances were not working out – so she moved back home. Then came Oliver, whose still with us. He’s an absolutely super guy. He’s an optometrist and has a wonderful, warped, perverse sense of humour which is very similar to mine. So we spend all our time telling naughty jokes or playing practical jokes on each other (or our other unsuspecting housemates.)

Our most successful practical joke worked as follows

Step 1. I borrowed a pornographic video from a Varsity Friend

Step 2. Oliver told his sister and girlfriend, Martha and Sandy, that we were paying a joke on Andre, our housemate. He asked them to play along by coming to our house at exactly 3 o’clock in the afternoon. He gave them a key to our house and told them to creep up to our front door and then let themselves in.

Step 3. At 10 to 3 I informed Andre that I had a juicy X rated film for him to watch. I told him that if he wanted to see it, he must watch it now, because I had to take it back soon. Andre is typically hot blooded and he was only too eager, so he sat down on the sittee and I put the tape on and switched on the TV. I then left the video remote control next to him (unbeknown to him it didn’t have any batteries in it!” and said “Enjoy!” Then I left the room and Andre was all alone in the lounge, watching naked bodies rolling around on top of each other while they moaned and groaned.

It all worked just like clockwork, like something out of a hilarious film. 3 o’clock comes and Andre engrossed in sexual fantasy, suddenly becomes aware of a scratching at the door. Oh, my God someone is coming through! He realised. So in total panic he snatches up the remote control and jams down the Stop button. Nothing happens. It’s his worst nightmare come true. The door begins to open and in desperation he takes a flying leap across the coffee table in a furious attempt to get to the video machine in time and try and switch off the naughty evidence. Misses the video and lands in a crumpled heap on the carpet beneath the TV. And that’s how the girls found him. Lying on the floor too stunned to move, while above him, a hugely endowed gentleman was making passionate love to 4 women simultaneously.

Both Sandy and Martha did their part brilliantly. Neither said much. They just looked down at Andre with their noses in the air, managing somehow not to burst into hysterics. Andre went dark red; it was probably his most embarrassing moment. Then he managed to gain composure and dusting himself off he said “Hi, just look at this film Graeme gave me.” Sneaky bastard! Good thing that they were in on the act. Or I’d have been the one going red.

Andre, by the way, moving in about 3 weeks ago. We wanted a girl so Dain wouldn’t feel outnumbered, but when no girls replied (it was a bad time to look for people) we couldn’t be choosy. Andre is also a great housemate. He’s 6 foot 6 tall (I have to crane my neck to talk to him) and built like a house. Also, very good looking; in fact he was a model in his youth. He’s a bit older now, in fact he’s 36 years old – I only found this out long after he moved in, we all thought hew was well under 30, and it turns out too that he’s been married twice, too and had 3 kids around the country. Hops from city to city in the holidays to go and see them. At the moment he’s a salesman, sells earth moving equipment i.e. bulldozers; but at one time he owned a restaurant and he’s an incredible cook. He loves cooking for others, especially if they are complimentary, and I of course am! I know a good thing when I see it! So things have been pretty rosy here in Willow Road; I’m eating very well indeed, and putting on some weight at last.

About my sex life
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………?!!!!!!!!

(Yip, well that’s just about all I can say about It at the moment I’m afraid!)

What, with the work and stress and all that, there’s hardly time to vaaart, let alone go on romantic dates, fall in love and live happily ever after. I did go out with a girl called Carolyn for a while; that was a couple of months ago and only lasted 3 weeks; bit it was fun while it lasted – we were inseparable for a while, went out every night, even studied together – she was 5th year medical school, but then she went away on holiday and while there, refell in love with her ex boyfriend, so everything kind of came to a grasping halt. I was a bit upset at the time, but in the long term, certainly the best, since I don’t have time for any commitments at the moment or emotional trauma that comes along with it. However, there are a number of gorgeous girls at Varsity who I have eyes on – there’s Karyn who’s in my marketing class and comes round for chats quite often, and Dale; she’s final year BA; we’ve been out 3 times in the last week so there potential there too. But on the whole, I’m still content to know lots of platonic girl friends and go out and have fun but remain free. I went to the Ray Ball the other night It’s supposed to be UCT’ s most prestigious event so I thought I must go to keep up appearances. Polish up the old image. I got to wear my Tux and see lots of my female marketing class students dress up for a change (not in baggy tracksuits like in lectures.)

Nicky had been telling me all about this new designer dress she’d brought for a fashion show, which ex Miss SA, Michele Bruce attended, so I decided to ask her to get to see it (Not withstanding the fact she’s a great dancer!) Anyway, she arrives at my house on the big night and for the first time ever I’m a little embarrassed, because this dress is cut so high onto the thigh you can almost see her panties and so low in the front that…..well, you can imagine! I’ve never been to a dance with an almost naked partner before! Still, I must be honest that once we got there and I noticed all the lusty stares and enviable glances it felt rather good! I must also admit that I didn’t dance very energetically that night; I just stepped back a pace or two and watched her hips move! Oh, by the way, I’ve found the perfect place for you to go and rave when you come back to SA. It’s called the “Arena” and is the poshest nightclub in Cape Town. Went there the other night with some friends and was body searched by a muscle bound bouncer before I was allowed in the door. Turns out he was looking for a firearm! He didn’t touch my date, so I don’t know what was to stop me hiding a magnum in her cleavage and then retrieving it later. The Arena has two floors, an upper floor for the rich, older yuppies (only 23 years old and above allowed) and a lower floor for the unsophisticated, poor philistines. We lied ourselves to the upper floor (I’ve lost my ID, sob! Sob! And all that jazz) It had a posh restaurant, 2 bars with all kinds of exotic (very expensive!) cocktails, soft settees for sitting on and a lovely, perfectly slippery dance floor to boogy on. And the people! I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many beautiful people in one building before. You would have loved it. All SA primest, richest, most eligible studs right before your eyes. The only pitfall was all the cigarette smoke. I had to wash my clothes twice to get the reek out of them!

Well Joey, that’s all I have time for now. I’d better send this letter right away or I’ll forget to send it. I’m still the laskop brother you knew although my life is generally more organised (survival necessitates it) In fact, you should see my room; it’s spotless; all my papers meticulously filed! Should make an excellent business man one day!

Hope you had a wonderful birthday on the 16th…I’ll be thinking of you on that day! And I hope that your trip to the Big Apple was fun. Keep well. All the best for England, you're in my thoughts everyday! Oh, I do hate this part of a letter; it makes me want to cry. I love and miss you very, very, very, much!!

Your adoring brother

Graeme
xxxx