Mystical experience: There is nothing but God. It's all God, Godding.

I was driving past Milson's Point train station in Sydney, quite close to home.  There were a number of people walking along the side-walk. I saw them and felt love. A powerful and sudden gnosis (an indisputable intuitive knowing beyond words) arose in me that each person was God. Each person was God having a human experience. God was looking out into the world through each person's eyes.  Everyone was God.  Everything was God. There was nothing but God. There was nothing but God Godding.

This mystical state and knowing lasted for several days.  There was an immense sense of oneness, connectedness, wonder, peace, love and euphoria.  Also, my mind felt it was more connected to universal intelligence than usual.  There were a series of deep insights and revelations.  There was deep mental clarity. 

In the midst of this, I met up with Aimee at The Botanica. There was a beautiful sharing of insights. At times, as I shared, I felt such love and wonder that tears streamed from my eyes.

I went to 5 Rhythms Dancing. Deep insights kept arising and I kept going off to write them down on my phone.

In the days following this experience, I felt inspired to write essays entitled "Life is God's experience" and "Why would God choose to experience objective experience?"  The words just flowed through me.  

I also started collecting quotes on the topic "Life is God's experience" for Wisdom Trove. This reached its climax in Mauritius.

Experience from a Deck Chair

I was looking out into the sky from my deck chair on my balcony.  I had an immense sense of being the space (created by the eyes looking out from the head that  could not see itself) in which the clouds and other forms like birds flying by were arising and subsiding.  I got a sense too of any thoughts that arose as coming into the space from "out there", rather than emerging from within my head.  They just passed through without getting stuck.

What made it so much more powerful was the sense that I was pinned to the very edge of the universe looking down into the universe (my part of it, my world).  It was such a strong sense that it gave me a scary and yet delicious feeling of vertigo.  I felt my back (which I  also could not see, and never can, no matter where I am) merging with an infinite Space behind me. A Space far vaster than the universe itself (my field of experience).  It felt as if the universe, as immense as it is, was contained in a sphere and I was pinned to it's outer surface with my back merging with the infinite nothingness (formless Consciousness) outside it.

I felt the space in front of the eyes (the space in which all forms arise and subside) merging with the infinite Space behind.  The more I sensed the Space behind merging with the space in front, the deeper the sense of expansiveness I felt and the more I sensed that I was that Space.  I felt tapped into something vast that was immensely peaceful but also immensely intelligent.

I still have this sense now (not as strong) when I anchor myself in the body and look out of my head into the space that contains my computer screen.   A space of awareness in front, and a sense of  vast space behind.  The forms in the foreground (arising and subsiding) AND an infinite Space in the background, both merging with each other through the aliveness of the body.


Reflections From A Deck Chair 

I gaze into the sky below
stuck to the ceiling of the world
by an invisible force
that makes leaves fall in autumn,
breasts sag with age,
daredevils hurtle from planes,
water cascade into ravines,
chairs collapse under the fat,
snow avalanche from cliffs,
rain patter onto roofs,
and ostriches stay earthbound
as much as they might want to fly.

Written: 1997 (on a holiday in Turkey)

Mystical experience: Waking up to life as God's movie

One morning in 2015, I woke up in a state of the most profound peace. I could see my entire life to that point stretched behind me and the utter perfection of its unfolding. I could see that my life was a kind of movie choreographed by a genius movie director. The movie of my life to that point and going forwards was already in the can and there was nothing I needed to do to influence it.  For the next week, I existed in a kind of blissful, enlightened state, sitting back on the sofa of awareness, watching events unfold.  Actions, choices, thoughts, perceptions all choreographed and arising perfectly. I was in a state of constant awe and wonder and a state of curiosity too as to what would arise next.  After a week, my enlightened state slipped away and I got lost, once again, in my sense of being a conscious agent living my life. But the sense that life is a kind of movie still remains.

What impact has this had on me?  Some fear that waking up to the “non-reality” of the world will make them lose interest in life.  In my experience, the opposite has been true.  Even if the physical world is not real, the experience of it is indisputably real.  In fact, the experience of it feels far more vivid and intense for me now.  I have awoken to the fact that life is a wondrous, mysterious, joyous experience to be embraced.  It still has its ups and downs and challenges, for that is exactly how life on this planet has been designed to be.  But I no longer take it all so seriously. I have realised that Graeme is no more than a kind of movie character that God I Am is experiencing the world through.  And all I need to do is sit back in the seat of awareness and enjoy the passing show.  I find myself playing more and laughing more and loving more and creating more, because knowing who I truly am somehow opens the gate to amazing spiritual creativity and power.  Also, I am no longer afraid of death. Death is but the end of the movie. It is waking up from the dream to become more truly yourself.

I have also been able to embrace my humanness and my limitations, and this has been immensely healing.  I am now able to love every part of being this character called "Graeme" especially his foibles and imperfections.  I no longer think of myself as a human being trying to become perfect like God.  I am God wanting to have a human experience.  And this character; this temporary form, including its body and its mind, is perfect in every way for the experience to be exactly as it is meant to be.  All is well, and all is as it is meant to be.

Most wonderful of all has been the blissful recognition that God is not just experiencing being “me”.  God is experiencing being everyone. God is experiencing being my loved ones and Mack, my dog. God is experiencing being everyone I meet and have ever met. And God is experiencing being every ant and every plant.  Everyone and everything is God.  God is experiencing nothing but God.  It is all God.  And I Am That.  With this realisation comes a love and a joy so deep and explosive, it is beyond description.

Mystical experience: Awakening on the balcony

I lie on a deckchair on my balcony under a vast sky swirling with cloud. My eyes look up into the heavens in a profound sense of thanks to God.   Wonder arises.  Wonder for the pure beauty of it all.  Love arises.  Love for God.  Love for everyone and everything.  Love so strong, it feels like it will surely tear me apart.  Love so strong surely it can only be divine.

And that is when the deepest realisation arises; the deepest knowing I have ever experienced.  It is Consciousness itself that is looking up through my eyes.   It is Consciousness itself that is delighting in the sight of the sky above.   There is no separate me here on this balcony. There is only God here.

God I am. God I am sensing the breeze through human skin.  God I am hearing birds sing through human ears.  God I am feeling love and wonder through a human heart.  God I am having a human experience.  God I am experiencing a world of form through this living form.   God I am, experiencing this world of form.

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I lie on a deckchair under a vast sky swirling with cloud.
   
I let all things be, all things go, all things flow.     

I disentangle from the attic of my mind and awaken to a wondrous world of senses.       

There is the sight of clouds passing overhead. The sensation of the breeze on my skin. The sound of birds twittering. A sense of how wondrous it all is.  A feeling of of aliveness and sacredness in all I perceive.     

There is a surrendering to a deeper and deeper sense of being the aware space in which these experiences are arising and subsiding.     

I realise I am that space...     
… an infinite, formless, timeless space in which all things arise and subside.     
… an all perceiving space.     
... an all experiencing space.     

I realise I am not what arises in awareness, but the awareness itself.

I realise I am not what I perceive, but that which perceives; that which itself cannot be perceived.     
I realise I am not my experiences, but that which experiences them; that which makes experience possible     

I realise that Pure Conscious Awareness I Am.     

I realise that the all perceiving Perceiver I Am

I realise that the eternal Subject of all experiences I Am

I realise that God I am ...   
... God I Am, looking out from human eyes ...   
... God I Am feeling the breeze through human skin ...     
... God I am hearing birds sing through human ears ...     
... God I am feeling love and wonder through a human heart ...     
... God I am, experiencing through the sensory portal of a human form     

God I am …   
… appearing as form     
… experiencing through form   
... expressing through form   

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I experienced a revelation below in an extraordinary burst of joy, looking out into a world of swirling clouds from my deck chair, listening to sublime music.  I laughed with pure joy, couldn’t stop laughing.  And cried and cried. I felt like I woke up for a while, that for a moment I truly knew and experienced who I was.

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I am Consciousness.


I am on a journey of awakening to myself through form.


I experience this world of form (a vast, extraordinary, wondrous, sublime, infinitely vast work of art) through the portal of this form and all other living forms.


This form called "Graeme" (its body and mind patterns) is simply a kind of sensory lens for experiencing the world of form. It actually doesn’t even exist, mostly space with the illusion of form. Just a temporary "sensory portal".


Mind patterns seem almost like characters. Mr “I’m not enough". Mr Spiritual Hero. Mr “I Need Control”  Mr "Driven to Succeed".  I get sucked up (hypnotised) by these characters and imagine myself to be them, my attention consumed by them.


When I become purely aware, free of the mind patterns, the lens becomes totally clear and I really see. That’s when the love and wonder and peace and joy flows.  And inspiration and creativity.


When I become sucked up into the characters, my pure flow is stemmed. Insight and love are blocked by the illusion of anger, jealousy, shame, pride, guilt, fear etc.


I lie behind it all, behind the eyes of each and every living form, looking out into the world of form, sensing and experiencing it. When I look out of the eyes of this form into the eyes of another form, in a state of pure awareness, free of mind patterns, I recognise myself and pure love flows.


What an extraordinary creation this world of form is!!!   What a wondrous thing to experience in so many different ways, through so many different lenses and sensory portals. What an adventure!  What insights!  Waking up to myself through so many forms in so many different ways.


Right now, I’m looking out of the eyes of this form called Graeme, typing into a computer. I’m going to enjoy experiencing the world of form through this form. Exploring through this form.  Creating through this form. Helping myself to awaken through other forms.


I don’t just experience this world of form through human forms.  But also through animals and birds and trees and flowers and fish and insects.  When I look into a dogs eyes, I can see myself too!!

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"Constantly regard the universe as one living being, having one substance and one soul; and observe how all things have reference to one perception, the perception of this one living being; and how all things act with one movement; and how all things are the cooperating causes of all things which exist; observe too the continuous spinning of the thread and the contexture of the web."  Marcus Aurelius

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Mystical experience: The form I temporarily take

I had such a deep, profound experience tonight while listening to music. I felt so much love that I thought my heart would burst. I just cried and cried. Then, I felt moved to write down some of what I sensed so deeply. 

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Consciousness is timeless and formless. Consciousness is no-thing. Consciousness is everything that is.

This form named "Graeme" is a creation (expression) of Consciousness. Just as this time based universe of form is a creation of Consciousness ...

- A way for Consciousness to experience itself through form.

- A way for Consciousness to delight in the universe of form it has created.

- A way for Consciousness to experience itself in a world of duality...  to experience itself as the light it is in a relative world of light (it) and dark (absence of it).

- A way for Consciousness to create; for Consciousness is infinitely creative.

- A way for Consciousness to awaken to itself.

Consciousness is pure Love. Underneath this world of form, there is nothing but PURE LOVE.

Knowing this is to fall into a sense of pure trust and peace that All is well, that All is perfect, that All is as exactly as it should be.

The "I" named Graeme is an illusion. A fantasy created by the mind. Letting go of that illusion allows Consciousness to wake up through this form named Graeme.

When the mind of this form lets go and pure awareness emerges, it is Consciousness itself that is aware through this form.

When the mind lets go and there is a deep wonder and love for it all, it is Consciousness itself delighting in the world through this form.

When the mind lets go and creativity and inspiration flows, it is Consciousness itself creating through this form.

This form named Graeme (including it's mind and ego) is perfect for Consciousness to experience what it is here to experience.

When the mind of this form loses itself completely in thought, judgement, fear, pride, guilt, shame or anger, Consciousness becomes trapped in that and "falls asleep"  until awareness re-emerges and it wakes up again.

This form named Graeme is not unimportant or immaterial.  Quite the opposite.  It's a perfect expression of Consciousness.  Perfect in every way for the divine purpose of Consciousness to unfold.  Wondrous and miraculous. Vital and precious beyond words. Honour this form.  While letting go of all attachment to it and identification with it.

The intention of this form named Graeme is to let go of the mind and ego to become pure awareness.  To allow Consciousness to wake up to itself.   To become an open space for Consciousness to flow into the world.  A space for Consciousness to delight in the world.  A space for Consciousness to create.  A space for love, compassion, kindness, wonder, inspiration, peace, and joy to flow.

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One of my intentions on my spiritual journey is to let go of the mind-made sense of "self".  The "story of me" that the mind creates. After all, it's just a carefully edited, selectively remembered fantasy.  An illusion that exists only as thoughts. It is not Who I Am. And in my experience, the more I attach to that story and get my identity from it, the less Consciousness is able to flow through the form.  Because with it inevitably comes energies like guilt, shame, desire, pride and fear, all of which "suck up" Consciousness rather than allowing it to flow into the world.

To give up the mind made sense of self is to become a Space that allows Consciousness (The real Self that I Am) to flood through.  And with it flows inspiration, wonder, compassion, peace and most of all, Love, for the benefit of all.

Having said this, "I" have temporarily taken on a form. The form "I" take has a body and a mind.  All inherited. All perfect creations and expressions of Consciousness. All created for the divine purpose of the universe to unfold.  Especially for the purpose of Consciousness to awaken to itself in this world of form.  Even the ego I have inherited (seen by some as the "enemy") is perfect for Consciousness to experience what is wishes to experience, until I am able to let it go.  And as  Eckhart says "Without the ego, there would be no awakening."

When I am able to honour the form I temporarily take, and feel a sense of wonder in it, as a perfect expression of Consciousness and a way for the universe's divine purpose to unfold - but without getting my sense of identity from it - then letting go of the little self and awakening to the real Self becomes easier.

Mystical experience: Boundless love

 "It felt as if the whole universe was pulsating with limitless love. It felt as if I was dissolving into this love and becoming one with the universe. It felt as if the world had become a wonderland. It felt like I’d been given the most amazing surprise. And yet it also felt as if I’d remembered something I’d always secretly known."  Tim Freke

During 2013 and 2014, I was regularly transported into an experience of boundless, sublime love. If often happened while I was mindfully listening to beautiful music. Suddenly I would find myself suffused with love. Love for God. Love for Life. Love for the world. Love for everyone and everything.  Sometimes the love would feel so vast that I feared I wouldn't be able to contain it and my heart would burst into a million pieces. Other times it would feel infinitely peaceful yet unfathomably deep.  Usually it would be accompanied by an almost orgasmic emotional release and beautiful crying.  

I had never experienced love life this before and after a life time of numbing my emotions, it felt like the most priceless thing I had ever experienced.  It felt like I had won the lottery.  The love literally transformed me.  It was indescribably healing.  It felt like the presence of God.  It opened my eyes to the exquisite benevolence of the universe and the fact that underneath it all, All is Well.  It created the intense desire in me to surrender to Life and do Life's will. 

Mystical experience: The Monsoon Palace and the swifts.

In 1997, I was in India with Ally and we visited The Monsoon Palace, an exquisite palace high on the slopes above Udaipur.  As we looked out at the view, the sun started to set, lighting up the sky in a beautiful soft orange hue.  I felt so deeply peaceful and so profoundly connected to life. As these feelings swept over me, a large flock of swifts appeared in the sky and they swirled and swooped, filling me with wonder and joy at the sheer beauty of it all.

Spiritual moments (Childhood years: 1970 - 1980)

Give me a sign

• I was lying in bed and I prayed and said "God, show me you are there; give me a sign." At first there was nothing, then the curtains rustled and I was suddenly filled with a trembling joy, intense and exquisite.  I cried in wonder and gratitude.

Choir

• I sang in The St George's choir.  One Sunday, when still very young, we were singing a magnificat. We came to the descant where some sang high, soaring notes and others low.  I was so transfixed by the beauty of it that I was unable to sing. I just stood there, basking in the beauty of the music, tears streaming down my face. 

Prayer

• I went through a time of praying incessantly, feeling very connected to God.