We went to a Xmas party where I played the role of Father Xmas. Did the kids first, then the adults. Adults were easier because I could be somewhat saucier and they weren't scared by my robust "ho ho ho's" (kids were terrified!)
Some of the lines I used (on the adults, not the kids!):
- I'm lonely up in the North Pole. To be honest, I need someone really bad. Are you really bad?
- Heh baby, when was the last time you did it in a sleigh?
- Wanna see my 12 inch elf?
- Wanna be my elf for the night?
- I've got something very special in my sack for you.
- I know you've been bad, so let's dispense with the small talk, little lady.
- Wanna see my North Pole?
- Sorry I'm late, I got my sack caught in the chimney.
- Know why I'm so jolly? Cause I know where all the bad girls live.
- You scared of me? Are you Claus-trophobic?
- You wanna help me? You can be my subordinate Claus.
- Have you been a good girl - or do you need a spanking.
- What do you get when you cross me with a duck. A Xmas Quacker!
- I was walking along Adderley Street the other day with a honest politician and kind lawyer. We saw a R20 note in the gutter. Which of us do you think picked it up? Answer: Me! The other two do not exist.
- Guess what I had for breakfast this morning. Mistle Toast!
- Guess where I stay on holiday. At a ho-ho tel!
- Control yourself. I don't want water on my knee.
- How many chimneys did I do down today? Stacks!
- Wanna come with me on the sleigh and join the mile high club?
- I come down chimneys because it soots me.
- Hurry up, I have another Xmas I need to get to next year.
- If you want me to keep this up, you'll need to give me Viagra.
There were some good laughs - and yes, a fair number of groans too.
Is Xmas exhausting or what!
0 comments:
Post a Comment